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I've never been friends with any of my ex-boyfriends. But I know a lot of people who are. I know someone who is friends with her one time cheating ex-husband. They’re both remarried, sharing custody of their two kids. They’re both happy. And they are friends.
This leads me to ask: why do I look at all of my exes as enemies?
I’ve got a pretty clear head these days, and sometimes I think, why can’t I attempt a friendship with my ex? I don’t want to get back together with him. I’ve learned my lesson time and time again that we are not meant to be together – ever.
But does that mean we can’t be friends?
The truth is, we share some very special interests. That’s partly why we were drawn to each other in the first place. I believe sharing things you both enjoy is what lies at the heart of relationships. And those things don’t go away when the relationship ends.
But then the little voice in my head screams, Toxic! Toxic! Toxic!
Oh, right. That relationship was totally toxic.
Isn’t it funny how time can entirely shift the way we think about people, events, situations?
I guess mourning a relationship is like mourning anything else. First you're pissed, at him, at the world. Then you're sad. And then maybe, just maybe, you become mature about it. It is what it is. You shared a lot with a person you felt was incredibly special in your life for a period of time.
Do we throw it all away?
That depends. Will you be a better person for having him or her in your life? For me: no. I’m not there yet.
There’s still a rumbling of anger in my belly.
There’s still some crazy in my brain.
There’s still an ache in my heart.
And right now, I am focusing on being well in all aspects of my life.
So I guess I answered my own question. For me, the answer is no.