Do you remember that feeling? The head over heels, overwhelming, all encompassing sensation of warm, toasty love?
I remember the first time I spent the night, not had sex with, but really slept with the man who is now my husband. I was a single mom at the time and spending the night with a new beau was quite a feat as I had to arrange for my son to be in my parents' care overnight, but I did it.
My husband and I just cuddled. Every time either one of us moved a muscle, the other one whispered, I love you. I remember the bliss. I remember thinking I was so thrilled and how I'd always and forever more be giddy in love with this creature....
Four years later, things are different. I still love him, for sure. But cuddling? It’s an act of Congress. Holding each other all night long and whispering sweet nothings? Oh, please. There’s a baby and a 10 year-old to care for and many, many responsibilities to tend to.
By the time we get in bed, we fall asleep in a coma most nights and that’s if we’re not caught up in a disagreement about some such minute point of life — bills, schedules, the fairness of our workloads...
Lately, I have been studying the teaching’s of Abraham-Hicks. They have this really great bit about relationships. I’m quoting their audiobook here, The Law of Attraction. They talk about how like attracts like. They speak of this common phenomenon that many of us have experienced — how so often so many of us meet someone and we are just infatuated, but only for awhile...
Oh My G*D, we think.
You are the person of my dreams! we profess.
Where have you been all my life?! we lament.
How have I ever lived without you? we continue, star struck and in wonder.
And then, fast forward two weeks or two months or maybe if you’re lucky, two years. Now our thoughts are more along the lines of...
Holy Effing Christ. How did I end up with you? as we’re gazing upon the exact same creature.
Or worse... What was I thinking when I chose you? we might agonize.
What has happened between the honeymoon phase of our relationship and now? Well, Abraham-Hicks offers a pretty poignant idea. They say when we first hook up, all we can see are the things we adore about someone, which in kind means that is all we attract into our awareness.
And then, over time we begin to notice that which we do not like. And before we know it, we have forgotten the perfections. And yes, each of us has bits that are perfect and bits that are imperfect. Once we begin focusing on the imperfections, all we can do is attract more of them.
Because we create what we think most about. The answer? When you are with someone, only focus on their perfections. Yes, that’s right. Only notice that in them which is perfect.
I offered this recently in a workshop. One of my friends chortled.
"That’s a tall order!" she said.
The whole room burst out laughing.
"Yes, I agree," I said. "And I’ll do it with you. Tonight is date night, sister. We’re all in this together."
And guess what? It worked. Once you set your intention to start focusing on the perfections of your mate, you might just delight yourself in what you manifest.... More perfections!
So this valentine’s day, instead of secretly tolerating whatever bits about your lover it is that you can barely stand, do yourself and them a favor. Focus instead on their perfections. See those bits you are head over heels in love with in them again. And just sit back and enjoy the show as more and more of those traits come to light — A Valentine’s Day Delight.