At some point in our lives, we all deal with ending a relationship with someone we love. Currently, I am going through the process and, let’s get real, breaking up sucks. That said, here are some tactics to help make your process a little easier and little more mindful.
1. Cut the cord: he-tox for 60 days.
This tactic comes from Greg Bernhardt’s It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. Do not, under any circumstances connect with your ex for 60 days post breakup. No calls, texts, emails, you get the picture.
For me, it's been over 60 days and do I still think about my ex? Yes.
Am I still grieving the relationship?
BUT every day gets easier and I am mourning sans the drama of breakup sex and the dysfunctional back and forth which can occur when two people know they have something that is broken and fall back into the comfort of having the other person around. 2. Have dessert: not Ben & Jerry’s, sorbet (aka a sexual palate cleanser).
When I got out my relationship, I threw myself on an online dating site because that’s what your supposed to do. In reality, I am not ready for another long-term relationship and probably won’t be for awhile. That said, we all have needs and this tactic came from The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack (another post-breakup must-read), go out and find yourself a distraction for awhile or a night. 3. Ditch the Debbie Downers: surround yourself with Positive Paulas.
Use this recent exchange I had with an old acquaintance as a lesson in who you don’t want to surround yourself with post-breakup: Me: I broke up with my boyfriend so if you know any nice Jewish boys keep me on your radar! Debbie Downer: (BIG SIGH) For every 5 single great Jewish women, there’s 1 great single Jewish guy. Me (in my mind): WHAT??? Are you the Census Bureau for the single Jewish population in Boston?? It cracks me up every time I think about it. People like that are not who you want around post-breakup. Surround yourself with positive, supportive friends who will give an unlimited supply of hugs (and the occasional set up) when you need them. 4. Let out your emotions: say goodbye to your ex and your former self.
Energetically, when we evolve, our vibration rises and we can vibrate right out our of our partner’s field. (See ya!) To put it another way, you've grown and not only are you mourning the loss of love you may be mourning the loss of your former self. That’s a BIG deal and should not be taken lightly.
So cry, scream, yell, and do whatever it is you need to do to grieve! Let it all out!! Know that nothing is permanent, you'll feel better, and when you're ready, you'll find a person on your wavelength. 5. Power up your positivity: rock out an attitude of gratitude.
After you've taken as much time as you need to release the pain, it’s time to cultivate a gracious heart. Look at that former relationship and be grateful for that person’s role in your life and the clarity you received from him or her about who you are and what you deserve out of a relationship. 6. Set your intention: make a wish list for the next guy.
I purposely put this one last. When you're ready, when you're slowly but surely settling into your new fabulous single self, then put your intention out there on what you want next out of love. This serves two purposes: