5 Amazing Things I Learned From My Mom
In Anita Moorjani's book, Dying to Be Me, she introduces this very simple concept: What we believe is true.
She is describing her own Near Death Experience, in which she undergoes a state of clarity that allows her to understand that she was dying of cancer because of all of her fears.
As she explains: "I understood that the cancer wasn't a punishment or anything like that. It was just my own energy, manifesting as cancer because my fears weren't allowing me to express myself as the magnificent force I was meant to be."
So what did she fear?
"Just about everything," she explains, "including failing, being disliked, letting people down, and not being good enough."
She claims she was afraid of living and terrified of dying.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. This was my first time experiencing her birthday since she passed in February of this year from ALS (or Lou Gehrig's disease). I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that in my opinion, my mom manifested her own terminal illness.
As a devoted mother and wife, she was the epitome of self sacrifice. She cared for anyone and everyone before she cared for herself. I can't ever remember her being ill until she finally had a seizure that resulted in brain surgery, which led to paralysis, which ultimately led to ALS and then death.
She was a beautiful, kind, generous soul who never forgave herself for an abortion at a very young age and for my sister's physical and psychological illnesses, over which she had no control. Add to this my dad's occasional transgressions, which she mistakenly took on as a sign of her inadequacy, and voila: terminal illness.
In her final days, she was not bitter, she was brave. She was not fearful, she was courageous. She was not angry, she was pure love. She taught me to celebrate and savor life, every step of the way. If I could have saved her, I would have.
What I can do now is my best to prevent anyone from ever repeating her mistakes. In the words of Caroline Myss in her book, Anatomy of The Spirt, as a species, we humans are not meant to carry tragedy for long. We're just not built to haul around baggage.
Please, do whatever it is you need to do to clear yourself. Then...
1. Learn to love yourself totally and completely and without any hesitation.
2. Once lavished generously upon yourself, give your love to your friends and family without pause and without expectation.
3. See the beauty all around you, everyday, even if it comes with a smidge of pain, even if it's momentarily laced with sorrow.
4. Allow yourself to feel the depths of your being, for you are infinitely kind and wonderful. We all are.
5. Smile and know: what you believe is true. What is true is that you are infinitely magnificent and worthy of never-ending love, simply because you exist.