Pain, rejection, loneliness, abandonment are some of the many things that couples feel when struggling in relationships.
It’s difficult indeed to ignore such emotions, especially when they become a pattern. Many of us are unaware of their root cause and that the key to having a truthful, loving relationship with our partner is to mirror the nurturing relationship we have with our inner child.
The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It talks to us about fear, hurt, needs that are not being met, the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for.
In the real world, we are considered to be good parents when we provide our family everything they could possibly need, from love, attention, affection, compassion, support and safety. Providing a similar home to our inner child allows us to acknowledge our needs and get them met in relationships.
The question is: how often are we being good parents to our inner child?
Below are some main keys that can help you recreate a loving parenthood relationship with your inner child and find home in your adult relationship:
Pay attention and listen to your inner child.
For example, when you are feeling hurt, open a dialogue between the adult in you and your inner child. Use your journal to write down what the child is saying to you. Allow his voice to talk freely and without interruption. When you are done, write in the voice of the wise in you to answer the inner child’s needs.
Your inner child has its own dynamic, he has his own way of doing things, of seeing things and getting what he wants. His worldview is very different from the adult in you. Accepting him for who he is and allowing him to be what he wants to be, opens up a space for growth and maturity.
Loving your inner child unconditionally is allowing him to be the person he is without projecting your judgments and wants on him. Let go of the shoulds, including the way your inner child should feel, should do, should be. Instead, do things that make him feel playful, loved and nurtured.
Your inner child might be wounded, hurt, upset and angry. Let the adult parent in you, feel his pain and hurt and allow him to express them naturally. Ask him, how can you best show him the empathy he needs? What can you do for him?
Your inner child focuses on what he has not gotten in the past. Turn his focus towards what he wants in the present and what does he need to feel healed. Ask him how can you best support him? Why is it important to feel supported?
Being fully present with our inner child allows us to expand our self-love. This brings freedom and a safe place to be ourselves, to continually mature, to become the person we want to be and to mirror the same caring relationship with our partner.