Romantic relationships are a fascinating place to expose our vulnerabilities, to learn and grow with our “mirror," to be loved, nurtured, challenged and ultimately, to share our deepest natures.
Relationships are constantly negotiated and re-negotiated as our sense of self shifts, and our ideas about life change over time.
Where people can easily suffer is at the point that relationships become a place to express neuroses.
Connecting with another should always be interesting and fun. When it starts to be painful, something within us is making it painful. We need to look within. Or perhaps we need to let go of the relationship.
Our suffering stops when we become conscious of choosing the experience of a relationship to relate to another as a mirror of our being. Instead of being a victim to the experience, we can then actively co-create it.
The moment we bring awareness into relating, barriers of the ego self start to fall. We start to see the other as an extension of our self. We start to see ourselves in another. We start to feel our whole experience as one expression of who we are.
There’s no separation. (No us and them, no you and me!)
Sometimes all that remains is LOVE after the fall of all other illusions.
Unfortunately fear so often penetrates and suppresses the natural flow of life, love. I find I often just freeze, and I'm so I'm not alone in that self-defeating experience.
We are so afraid that someone will see our true selves, that we sabotage ourselves before getting a chance to get close. How much does fear obstruct our love lives, and how can we embrace love for the sake of love, despite our fears and past experiences?
The moment when we become uncomfortable is exactly the moment when we start to grow. Too many of us (including me) stop at that moment.
Let's not waste that opportunity to feel.
Below are FIVE ways to improve your love life:
1. Accept yourself as you are.
If you can accept yourself as you are, then naturally all you are feeling is OK. Accepting yourself begins with unconditional love.
I believe the first step in living an expanded life is accepting who you are, and where you are at. From this point of acceptance, you can now begin to transform, and make adjustments to promote greater happiness and wellbeing in your relationships.
2. Play with romance.
Be more playful in (and out) of the bedroom.
Romantic relationships are an exciting place to “play” with another. Play with love, give surrendering a chance, give yourself an opportunity to feel the fear and do it anyway!
You deserve to feel the excitement of romantic love. Stop taking life so seriously!
Remember how it was like to play when you were a child. Bring this playful innocence, imagination and freedom into the bedroom.
3. Bring your full attention to having “conscious” orgasms.
Focus on becoming truly present in lovemaking.
At the moment of climax, bring your full life force into a place of expansion and union with your partner.
Orgasm. At the point of breakdown of male-female polarities, energies blissfully caress, intermingle, play and unite. Where the world ceases to exist as a coherent entity within consciousness, boundaries no longer exist. That's an exciting concept.
All there is, is one moment, one essence, one sex, one life. This is knowing God.
There's a lot of possibility and potentiality in the orgasm.
4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Fear is denial of life. Allowing oneself to let go and surrender, is the bravest and most important way for you to find yourself as a person. When a person fears getting close to another, he has detached himself from his own heart consciousness.
On the other side of this fear, love is waiting patiently.
5. Bring the orgasm into your life.
We come to a point of orgasm, and then the moment after the euphoria dies down, we fall back into habitual patterns (stories about the past and thoughts about the future).
We can easily lose our essence in this jabbering internal dialogue.
So we perpetually seek to get back that no-thing-ness (completion) that occurred when we ceased to exist (in the orgasm).
How about consciously bringing this energy of orgasm into your life? Finding God in all moments, instead of just one.
I'm aware that it's not easy living on a constant “high.” Not natural, either.
I advocate a mindful practice of union and connection with God, finding shambhala in living your life intimately, finding nirvana in bringing the orgasm to life – living your life orgasmically.