How to Ensure That Jealousy Doesn't Destroy You
How often to you feel pleased and happy for your friends or loved ones when something good comes their way?
You may read this and feel fully assured that you, of course, are a good friend, you congratulate others, tell them they're amazing, and how pleased you are for them. But a few minutes after the conversation has ended, you’re mulling it over, comparing your situation with theirs and feeling a little out of sorts!
Not many of us own up to this unless we're in a safe environment to admit it or trust the person to whom we're speaking, but it's very common and manifests through many different behaviors. After all, we're only human.
However, frequent bouts of jealousy which may be upsetting your mindset or relationships can be quite overwhelming and get in the way of your living your life harmoniously. Ultimately, feelings of jealousy relate to insecurity, fear and low self esteem.
Jealousy is one of the oldest emotions--it's been around for centuries, and even animals get jealous! But if it's taking over your life or ruining your relationships, then perhaps you need to look a little deeper. Or perhaps you're on the receiving end of jealousy, in which case, this article is written for that person--feel free to pass it on!
Here are six simple ways that can help you overcome that little green-eyed monster, take control of your emotions, and be the captain of your Self!
1. Channel your jealousy into taking some action for yourself so you feel you’ve accomplished too!
When you're jealous of someone, you're using up your personal energy into a story or feeling that is created by your own self-perception. When you compare yourself to someone else, you are looking to fill a gap within your own insecurities, but willing to hold the other person responsible for it.
Have you ever been jealous of another person when all they really did was take some control or action in some way? The opportunity is there for us all to take as well.
What action could you take to improve your life, and are you trying hard enough? Holding a deep resentment toward someone for being in control of his or her life is a pointless anxiety which only makes YOU feel worse. Let it go and instead channel this emotion into doing something that makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something!
2. Improve your relationship with yourself and celebrate the successes of others!
Unfortunately, jealousy or envy is a common reason why people bully, gossip, or have something negative to say about someone else. The world would be a much nicer place if people were willing to be more encouraging to one another and not be fearful of each other’s successes or achievements.
The more encouragement and love you can give to your relationships and your friends, the more you'll get in return. If your mindset is programmed to look for the flaws in others, then that's also how you'll perceive yourself. If you improved your relationship with yourself, you'd not need to fear the accomplishments or triumphs of others. You'd feel harmonious and happy in yourself and share the joy!
3. Give yourself and someone else a compliment.
Some people find this very hard to do, mainly because if you don’t feel good in yourself, there's barely anything left to pass on to someone else. Take some time to notice all your achievements and take note of the compliments that others have given you.
Build up a bank of love and send it out to others as well. When you share and celebrate others doing well, you get the same in return. For more advice on how to tap into your positive traits, see my article on How to Overcome Self Criticism.
4. Stop comparing!
If you live your life constantly comparing what you have to what other people have, you're doomed to feel miserable and to feel like a failure. Why not make a decision to believe in yourself and your capabilities? What do you really love to do which gives you a sense of self worth? What drives you? Makes you feel completely satisfied and fulfilled? What will it take to make this passion become more real? How can you take more control of your life?
When you feel a sense of achievement, you'll find it much easier to congratulate others on their achievements and to celebrate with them. Imagine how you will feel once you’ve taken the valuable steps toward your own inner gratification.
5. Avoid being too competitive.
Being competitive is another waste of energy, unless you’re working in sales and your income relies upon this trait! The need to constantly get the upper hand or feel in control can be destructive in a relationship. Know that you can access your power in more positive ways than needing to be in direct competition in your relationships through envy.
6. Learn to trust.
The fundamental ingredient to any relationship is trust. If you find that you're suspicious or anxious about something related to your partner, look to yourself to find out what the reason may be.
Often this kind of behavior is related to a fear of losing the other person, but the more jealous you are, the more you'll drive them away. (Unless of course you have good reason to be jealous, but either way it’s not exactly a win-win situation!)
Frequent bouts of jealousy will manifest through behavior that's over-protective, paranoid, needy, dominating, abusive, violent, dismissive – the list goes on. It will threaten your relationship.
If you find yourself feeling jealous of your partner, ask yourself if you have good reason to feel this way. What makes you feel jealous? You may not be able to answer this, so I have put some questions together below which will help you draw it out.
When you get some quiet time, try reflecting on these and give as many answers for each that you can offload. Answering these questions will give you insight into the rationale behind your jealousy and then you can begin to change it. Wishing you all the best!
The good thing about being jealous is:
Being jealous benefits my relationship because:
If I didn’t feel jealous:
I am in control of my life because:
I feel I have achieved when:
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