We all feel an impulse to self-medicate from time to time. The desire to escape is part of the human experience. We try different methods and we use them to different degrees. But we all use them. And for many of us, our escape-of-choice is men.
The pattern looks something like this:
It starts with a high...
A trip with a man can feel like the most exhilarating ride that you have ever been on--your heart races, your stomach has butterflies, you're giddy and all-around buzzed. The texts, the Facebook stalking, the dialing (drunk or not). Your impulse is to reach for more of the substance (aka him) and get that high. And damn does it feel good when you do! A guy is paying extra-special attention to you! A man has his eyes on YOU.
The high is so good, in fact, that you start to want it more and more. An obsession of-sorts sets in. You get that itch and you need your fix! You're antsy, clingy, and (gulp) desperate. You need him to make you feel a certain way. It's a dependency that you don't want, but somehow you have. You can't help yourself.
A man-hangover is the worst.
And of course, inevitably, comes the fall. He doesn't return your call. Or he leaves and finds another woman. Or maybe he sticks around and you're left with a dull sense of emptiness. The high has worn-off and you wonder to yourself, Is this it? Really? Both positions are equally painful after such a blissful beginning. And in both cases, you're left feeling like you desperately need and want more.
So what is this ride and how can you get off?
If you aren't already acquainted with your ego, let me introduce you. Your ego is the little voice inside that tells you that you aren't good enough, that you don't have enough, and that things are not what they should be. The ego is the voice of lack, of doubt, of emptiness, and of fear. When you operate from your ego you are living with these fears all the time--the felt sense that you are incomplete. For most of us, the only way we know how to make these feelings go away is to reach for something outside of us to feel better. We reach for food. We reach for substances. And we most definitely reach for the best high of all, men.
When we live in our egos (and most of us do, nothing to feel ashamed about), we rely on things outside of us to feel good on the inside! So if medicating with men is one of your drugs-of-choice, then what is happening is you are actually using him to feel good about yourself. When he's there, you feel great. And when he's gone (and there will always be times when he is gone, whether he actually leaves or not) the withdrawal kicks in and it feels awful. A roller coaster indeed.
Are we doomed to repeat this cycle?
No! Of course there's another way! It's about not relying on an outside source to feel good on the inside. You have to start cultivating your own happiness from within. You are your own key--not him or anyone or anything else!
I hope you are jumping for joy right now!
Because this means that you are in the driver's seat! Your joy is in your hands and no one else's. You have complete control. (And I know how stoked you are to be in control!)
Find your "Soul Full" place
Here's the deal: there is a place inside all of us that knows we are 100% complete as we are. I call this place soul. We spend such a small amount of time living in our souls that we forget they actually exist.
But your soul does exist, and all it needs is a little attention from you. See if you can find it right now. It's the place in you that knows you're meant for greatness. It's the place in you that wants to make a difference. It's the place in you that is dying to live a fuller life.
Practicing living "Soul Fully" does not mean giving up feeling giddy or joyful or in love with him or anything else. You still get those doses of real love and joy, in fact, you're going to get more of them.
What it does mean, though, is you will not feel dependent on him for happiness. When he leaves you (literally or figuratively), you'll remain connected to your wholeness. You aren't going to loose your s#*t!
If you practice being guided by your soul, you are always going to know, on the deepest level, that you are more than OK; and then you'll really understand what it means to find true love.