- It is fine and normal for you to feel out of control when facing big life changes.
- Stop worrying about or trying to fix the things you can’t change. Taking this step doesn’t mean you have failed; it means you are smart enough to know when to take a break.
- Take some time out – for yourself! Do the things you enjoy doing, no matter how small and simple. Also, don’t forget to be kind to yourself!
“Taking time to do nothing often brings everything into perspective.” - Doe Santamata
When we are facing big life changes, it can feel as though we’ve lost control. Big life changes can be anything from moving house, starting or losing a job or relationship, health issues and accidents, through to birth and bereavement. When you are dealing with more than one big life change at once, it can feel like trying to spin many plates while the rug is being pulled out from under your feet at the same time! So, how do you maintain a center of balance?
Going through a big life change can have a huge impact on how you feel and can affect your self-esteem and confidence. You may have previously been confident and capable, but when your personal life changes drastically, you can feel vulnerable and as though you have lost touch with yourself.
Your life may feel chaotic all around, everything is crumbling and falling (ready to be built back up, bigger and stronger… more on that soon). You feel challenged. Your habits are being challenged. What you thought you believed in is challenged. Your very belief systems and core values are challenged. The more you try to do, the less works. You become frustrated and feel like giving up!
When you don’t know what to do, sometimes it is best to do nothing at all. Stop trying so hard to prevent the pain, put it all down, lean back, and reflect. Take time out, and do nothing. Being in touch with your pain and emotions is the most important key to self healing. All the time you spend trying to push down your pain, you are giving your mind and body more to deal with.
Taking time out helps you to rationalize and see the bigger picture. It helps you to create a wider perspective on your situation and is extremely beneficial when you are going through big life changes. Time out also helps you see the positive things you can actually do, no matter how small or simple.
When facing big life changes, it is important to find something you enjoy doing. When you do something you enjoy, you start to awaken your passions. When you show enthusiasm for something you love, a light inside you starts to glow brighter. You might enjoy meditation, yoga or creative pursuits such as art and writing, music or dancing, sports… Or, perhaps you love to do something simple like walk the dog or sit in the park in the sunshine, closing your eyes and having one single moment of peace, where you can clear your mind and take in some fresh air.
Try this exercise:
Write a list of all the things you enjoy doing. This list can be as long or as short as you like. Some of these might be things you can do in the future if you can’t do them now, but as you write your list, you will become more aware of the things you can still do rather than focus on what you cannot do!
When facing big life changes, it is important to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend, and don’t give yourself a hard time for making mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn, and you WILL learn from your experience.
Remember that big life changes are also big life lessons.Yes, they are challenging, but you will gain valuable insight into yourself, discover personal strengths you may have never realized were possible before, and grow from your experience.
3 Rules to Maintain a Center of Balance: