I have been mentally packing for about eight years. That may seem like a long time to be contemplating a move, but I’ve been a bit stuck. When I say stuck, I mean that treading water in cement kind of stuck. Suffocatingly stuck. And yet, completely unmoored at the same time. That feeling that you just don’t belong and something doesn’t feel right. Intuition trying desperately to steady itself.
I wasn’t this dramatically off for the entire eight years, mind you. Much of that time was fully and passionately consumed with grad school for art education, massive job searches, watching art teaching jobs disintegrate into thin air, switching back to my jewelry design career, job searches again, news of a very sick mom, caring for her, her ultimate death, and my slow recovery from her loss. And finally, the confirmation of my true passion, leading to changing careers once again, along with the required schooling to do so. Whew. But that stuck feeling remained throughout…
Until I decided, simply, that it didn’t have to. I, ultimately, held the power to change that.
And so it is time for a rebirth of sorts.
What happens when you awaken from your cocoon and the crystal clear signs of a needed change start smacking you in the face? Jobs not quite clicking, relationships shifting, stagnant motivation, potential love unfulfilled… As we all know *or are learning), these signs will keep coming and continue to get louder until you listen.
I am saying goodbye to my east coast tribe and hello to west coast one-to-be. The west coast has been whispering my name for so long, and I have been dreaming about it, visiting, re-dreaming, and re-visiting and re-dreaming some more.
What lies ahead? The great unknown – and in terms that my mind can fully process: a constant exercise in “go with the flow.” This exercise is tested again and again as practice, we all know, makes perfect. Fear is powerful. It sets in and tries with all its might to hold us back from our true existence. There may be bouts of massive anxiety, which will most likely end dissolved into tears. But those tears will be a catalyst for a cleansing and a change, like good cries always are.
And then comes the decision to surrender again. That’s it. I must hand it all over to the universe, because I know my spirit guides are leading me in a direction towards my highest self. In doing so, I feel recharged about the adventure that awaits. There is SO much possibility. The bounty of my life completely fulfilled. I go alone, but I am not lonely. I am filled with gratitude for the safety net that my hometown has provided me over these past years. I carry the pictures of every inch of my sweet town in my head and heart. Along with the smell of the salt air and the lighthouse’s beacon of 1-4-3. I love you. I love you. I love you.
No doubt there will be an unpeeling of layers as I drive with the windows open, throwing that mighty fear out into the wind. Knowing that looking in the rearview is only counterproductive, I will keep my eyes forward on the road leading me to my fresh start, my clean state, my rebirth.
Life nuggets absorbed so far: