For the past 15 years I have broken up and started dating the same man. Not the same person, but the same type of man. I would fall hard at the beginning, ignoring all of the red flags and dive into a love-induced coma haze. Swept away by my brand new crush completely blind to my detrimental patterns.
Of course having a crush can be exciting. But a crush is fleeting; the word crush actually means to pulverize. So the question should really be, do crushes really lead to true love?
Everywhere I look I see love. I see people making out in parking lots, couples getting married, and soul mates having children. No matter where I go, I see people celebrating each other and their true love.
Fresh out of a long term relationship, at first, these constant affirmations of love were annoying to me. I would hide my jealously and frustration. I wanted what these people so proudly shared. And the loneliness grew larger.
But a few months ago, I tried something new: I switched my loneliness to appreciation. By appreciating the love that I saw everywhere, I was able to move closer to my ultimate goals of finding true love. Miracles and divine encounters started to reveal themselves to me. Chance meetings soon felt divine.
A lot of the time we block ourselves from getting what we truly want. When I was holding a vibration of fear, jealously or loneliness, I was unable to attract the real powerful love that I so crave. But the moment I switched my feelings to a higher state, and shared in the love of others by appreciating and honoring what they found, doors started to open for me.
If you are looking for love, you may be looking in all the wrong places. To find real true love we must first love ourselves. It wasn't until I fell madly passionately in love with me, that I could attract higher quality companionships.
Today I live my life much different from the girl who jumped on the "crush" roller coaster. I've given my dating routine a complete makeover. In order to get new results, we have to do something new, right? If you are like me, and sick of cycling through dramatic relationships, it’s time we raise our vibration to match true love.
Here are the rules for calling in the one.
Rule #1: Set Standards
When you set standards for yourself, each relationship becomes better than the last. After my last relationship I made a "Red Flag List," a list of five mandatories that are aligned with my values that my potential partner must have. Such as: "Must be open minded, and not be dependent on anything or anyone; Must honor their word; Must practice self love and respect." After making a clear defined list, all of sudden I am meeting people who align to this list. When you get clear and focused about what you want, the universe will work over time to bring you what you desire. We must first get clear and focus.
Rule #2: Stop Judging
When we judge other people, we are judging ourselves. Learning to quiet the inner mean critic will save you from years of heartache and drama. When we judge, we put a strain on our capacity to see things clearly. We hurt the other person energetically, and we end up sabotaging any potential connection.
Rule #3: Ignore the "Crush" and Look at Where They Show Up
When you are dating someone new, the crush feelings can be blinding. Instead, ask yourself, "Do they show up in life?" Not just do they show up for the date on time, but also do they take care of themselves? Do they do what they say they will do? Do they call you without playing games or leaving you guessing? Learning how to honor yourself enough, to not waste energy on someone who won't give you the same respect, is part of finding the one true love you are looking for. "Love" will hurt until you find true "love." Because true love is real love, and there can be no pain or wrong. There are no games, no drama and no mistakes.
Rule #4: Let Go
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you can give the right things a chance to catch you. Often, when we want something so bad, we become blind to what is right in front of us. The most miraculous thing happened to me this past week: I let go. I let go of trying to control my environment and how and when things were supposed to happen. I surrendered. In this experience of complete surrender my heart opened and I stumbled into one of the best-unexpected nights of my life, and I was open to receive a chance encounter. The universe will align people, situations and events into your favor, but we must be open to receiving these signs and gifts in order to truly manifest real love.
Rule #5: Trust
Trusting is the most important step for calling in the one. First and foremost, trust yourself and your intuition when you begin dating new people. We are always receiving messages, red flags or little nudges that say this feels right, this is wrong; this isn't what you want completely. Listen to this authentic voice. It is your guide to true love.
Trust that the universe will always have your back. Let go of deciding how it will turn up, let go of wondering when it will turn up, and let go of worrying why it hasn't turned up yet. This manipulating and constant strain on our energy is hindering the process of attracting real big love. When you surrender to the moment and open your heart to the flow of life, that is when miracles happen.
And finally, trust that everything is in right order, and you are right where you need to be. You deserve real big love, and it is on its way to you.