Relationship, Not Sinking Ship

Written by Sarah Starr

Is it possible to have a good relationship even if you believe you are opposites? Do you think you need to change your partner in order to be happy?

What if it was okay to have different ideas about your “happiness requirements” and you could let go of your opinion about where the other is going?

I use to believe that my partner needed to keep up on my “conscious path” or get left behind. I put my joy at stake to fix this person because I believed my happiness was being hindered by what he was living. The more I looked back and yelled, “Hey get up here, keep up, get moving,” the worse I would feel and then fall back myself. I would hand out my Wayne Dyer CD’s like a Pez dispenser, saying,” Here listen to this.” I would stomp my feet saying,” Stop doing that, you should be nicer, you should meditate, you should clean up your act.” Then I’d get angry that now we’re both feeling bad. In truth, no one could hold me back from going with the flow, it was all about me, and my judgments only created more resistance and separation. In my decisions and conclusions, I left little space for new possibilities. What fantasy about the perfect relationship are you using to stay in a continual state of judgment of your partner, ending up only judging you?

Imagine being in a relationship where you don’t have to pretend to be someone or something else and you’re valued for exactly who you are. Would that not be the most loving relationship to be part of? How many rules and regulations have you placed on your relationships about what it has to be and what it shouldn’t be? Imagine in your relationships, instead of your conversation going to, “you should, you shouldn’t, I hate it when, or you never…” you look to find things to appreciate or seek solutions and a way to grow together?

In the midst of your relationships ups and downs, try asking...

Is this relevant?

What else is possible here?

What would it take for me to be in total, loving allowance?

What's right about this I'm not getting?

What would I really like to “be” and generate in this moment?

How would it feel to have more clarity in this moment?

What qualities are you looking for in a relationship...honesty, play, sensuality, trust, support, vitality, honoring, no judgment? Are you willing to be that for you? It usually goes more like; If you’re fun, I’ll be fun. If you’re playful, I’ll be playful. If you’re happy, I’ll be happy. Have you decided someone needs to fill you up so you can be you? What if you already are all of it? Is it any fun to be with someone who depends on you to create the joy in your relationship? Imagine if you were all of that for you??

The people in your life showing you where you could create more expansion, don’t ever need to change and you could still be happy. It is our contemplation of the self that creates the new possibilities. When we let go of the judgments we have of our self, those same issues don’t need to be an issue anymore.

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