10 Ways Yoga & Meditation Will Make You Cool (Warning: Hilarious!)
As if reduction in stress, increase in gray brain matter, general peace of mind, improved physical fitness and overall positive state of well-being aren’t enough, here are a few ways that yoga and meditation will make you really, really cool*.
*Disclaimer: While it’s true that the author of this article is really cool, she accepts no responsibility for the effectiveness, or lack thereof, of the following suggestions.* * *
10) In the middle of a heated argument with your spouse, abruptly sit down (preferably on the ground, especially if you’re in public), cross your legs into lotus pose, close your eyes and stop responding. It will infuriate your spouse to the point where he or she will walk away, which, as everyone knows, means you won.
9) Take a hot vinyasa flow class immediately before a big first date. Don’t shower. Your date will be so impressed by your dedication to your practice that he won’t notice your poor time management skills, the suffocating odor of damp overpriced spandex, or that you’re sweating in his pale ale.
8) At your next job interview, exclaim enthusiastically whenever a “flexible schedule” is mentioned. After landing the job, your new boss, coworkers, and HR manager will be delighted at your charming misinterpretation as you perform scantily-clad sun salutations in the hallway every hour.
7) Post photos of yourself on Facebook in challenging yoga postures. Your friends will be so awe-struck with your feats of physical strength and beauty that they won’t even notice that, as most yoga photography is, the photos are mildly suggestive and PG-13.
6) Get a pack of “yoga-word-a-day” toilet paper. After a few months, your yogic vocabulary will dazzle your peers – especially with the amount of kombucha you’ve been guzzling, missy.
5) Tell your crush that you gave up levitating for Lent. She will be impressed by your self-control.
4) Record a voicemail greeting that consists only of “Please leave a message after the ommm…” followed by six minutes of Sanskrit chanting. You’ll find yourself with far fewer voicemails from Mom to weed through.
3) Constantly refer to your favorite yoga instructors by first name in conversation (Kathryn, Tara, Baron, etc.) People will have no idea who you’re talking about, but you’ll appear to have more friends.
2) At dinner, look disgusted when your friend orders the organic, 100% grass-fed bison burger and remind her that you’ve chosen to observe saucha and that you follow a pure vegetarian diet. Order a hot fudge sundae with sprinkles, fries and a large Coke. It's hard to set an example, but someone has to do it.
And the #1 way yoga and meditation will surely make you cool:
1) Through the self-awareness, joy, and non-judgment that yoga and meditation teach, you’ll learn not to take life too seriously. He who laughs at himself, laughs best.