3 Tips to Break Up With Your Inner Critic & Fall In Love With Yourself

Author, Speaker By Shannon Kaiser
Author, Speaker
Shannon Kaiser is the best-selling author of 5 books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment including The Self-Love Experiment, Adventures for Your Soul, and Joy Seeker. As an international life coach, speaker and retreat leader, she helps people trust and believe in themselves so they can live their highest potential. She has a BA in Journalism and Communications from the University of Oregon.

I’m in the best relationship of my life. It took me 31 years to get here, but I feel like I have just discovered the gold at the bottom of the rainbow. I just want to share it with everyone.

It wasn’t always this extraordinary: I spent over 20 years of my life pushing uphill trying to force my way into making my dreams a reality. I would repeat patterns, addictions and fearful illusions which would keep me in a numb static state.

But a couple months ago, something happened. I woke up from my sleepy haze and looked at my life, and realized none of my patterns were serving me. It was time for me to break up with my inner critic so I could step into the person I really wanted to be.

If you are like I was, then your little nasty voice could be running the show. It's that little voice that says, you are not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, rich enough, young enough... WELL ENOUGH. That little voice can rob us of our dreams. But it doesn't have to be this way. You can be in the best relationship of your life and fall madly, passionately in love with you. Here is how.

1. As Author Christine Arylo would say, "Choose Me Before We..."

If something doesn't feel right for you - in your heart - you must ask yourself, why are you staying? Whether it is a job, a relationship or a pattern, look at where you are putting others first. This is an indicator that the inner critic is running the show. Switch the habit by dropping to your heart, and let that be your guide. For example, I recently broke up with a man I lived with. It was a serious relationship, but for me something always felt off. I recognized that my pattern of picking men that were "wrong for me" was no longer serving me. So I broke up with him and explained that "I love you, but I love me more."

2. Don't Try To Change Anything or Anyone

Wayne Dyer said, "You can not be lonely if you like the person you're alone with..." When you love yourself fully, you can learn to not let other peoples’ actions or habits affect you.

Our ego has a nasty way of flaring up when other people do things we don't like. Sometimes the inner critic will scream at us, that we aren't lovable or worthy in the situation, so we will lash out by complaining, picking or manipulating others.

If you find yourself picking on your partner and hoping they will change, ask yourself, why do you need them to change for you to be happy? Many times this situation is a mirror to our own insecurities. Rather than focusing on changing them, look at yourself, because true peace and love is an inside job.

3. Recognize the Story

Our little nasty voice is a clever imaginative storyteller. If you aren’t careful, it could manifest sticky situations. Aggressive behavior, addictions, complaints, yelling, avoiding are all examples of a story we tell ourselves about situations.

Most of the time, the story is just that a fake reality. But we believe it so intently that it becomes true. Stories such as: My boss doesn't like me; He is going to break up with me because I gained weight; I don't deserve this raise; My parents don't appreciate me; The list of stories goes on.

The only real story is in your heart. The reality of any situation is love. When we stray from that is when we feel fear, anger and panic. Allow yourself to recognize the insecurities that pop up and create stories. Because disarming these "stories" will help you fall in love with your life.

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Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser is the best-selling author of 5 books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment...
Read More
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Overcome Your Fears To Learn How To Live The Life You Deserve
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Get unstuck and start your journey towards a life of more purpose and passion with transformational life coach Shannon Kaiser.
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Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser is the best-selling author of 5 books on the psychology...
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