When I was 9 we lived in a very remote part of the countryside. In a small village our house was nested between a little church, 10 miles of fields surrounding us and a river. As much as that actually sounds quite appealing to me again as I type; as a youngster, with such a hunger and need to explore and be adventurous, I realize now that I found myself and my life to be quite limiting. I felt quite lonely as my brother was always out and about playing with his friends and it just wasn’t cool for his sister to latch on as well! Parents were doing parent things and I was never a massive fan of sitting and watching television all day. I had loads of friends at school but the unfortunate thing is that we lived too far out and none of them could come and visit! Ahhh poor old me!
However, there was a happy ending when my parents decided to move AT LAST! Finally I could spread my wings, discover, learn, experience and grow!
At the time of course I had no awareness of my limitations, I just had a feeling of loneliness, sometimes sadness, and these are just some of the emotions that you can experience when you are in a state of limitation, even at such an early age. Not a lot of people are aware when they are in this state and when you repeat the same routines, get used to the same environments, stick to the same job, relationship etc, your comfort zone shrinks and becomes smaller, restricting your personal growth. Of course your comfort zone is warm and cosy, no one can hurt you and it’s secure. Nothing is unfamiliar, you get to do the same things, there is little uncertainty and you pretty much know what’s going to happen every single day!
However, every morning you wake up feeling like something is missing, a feeling of emptiness. You’re not sure what it is and why you are feeling like this. Surely there has to be something wrong with you! Uh-oh a trip to the doctors is in order. Get some of those anti-depressants down you to make the feeling of emptiness go away!
The problem is that if you aren’t allowing yourself to grow; be it emotionally, spiritually or academically, you will feel like something is missing and try to find ways to cover it up – some could be detrimental to your health.
So how can I change?
Why is it that some people have an innate ability to get what they set out to achieve within such a quick turn around? Surely people are born confident! Why are some people better at doing things than others?
The simple answer is that they are willing to take a risk, to stretch out of their comfort zone, to embrace change, to feel ok about the possibility of their own personal representation of a mistake. To feel a little bit of pain, maybe rejection BUT when victory prevails, the feeling of winning overwhelms any negative doubts or self belief. And to get technical, the brain releases loads and loads of happy hormones which spurs them on to do it again....... So they do it again and once again triumph occurs > = more happy hormones = > do it again! All the time they are repeating their actions, they are creating new patterns of behavior, new beliefs and ultimately more self confidence.
This next technique is to help you feel a little bit more comfortable about taking action. If you have an area of your life where you would like more confidence, more self belief, or to simply boost your momentum then you can use this any time you need to.
1. Think about two conflicting beliefs in your mind; for example a part of you might want more confidence to ask for something from someone, but the other part of you is scared you might get rejected.
2. Put your hands out in front of you with your palms up. Imagine the confident part of you in your more dominant hand and the fearful part in the other hand.
3. Ask each part what its positive intention is for you. For the fearful part it might be because it wants to keep you safe from being hurt, think about what the positive intention is for each part, go as deep as you need to. Make sure you really feel connected to the feelings until you understand that ultimately both parts want the same thing for you. Even if at first it feels like you are making it up, going though the simple process of understanding the intentions of each part will still create a dramatic effect on your confidence and self belief.
4. Now concentrate on where those emotions are positioned in your body, commonly this will be around your heart chakra but the feelings could be positioned somewhere like your stomach or navel.
5. When you are ready, bring your hands together until the two separate parts merge into one big amazing part.
6. Bring your hands towards your chest and take the new merged image inside you.
You can do this technique for pretty much anything where you have a conflict. If you are feeling indecisive or hesitant about something, try to get in touch with your emotions so you can understand what is getting in the way.
Here’s to your own awesomeness!