4 Ways to Be Authentic and Speak Your Needs
How many times have you held back from saying what you really felt, what was really on your mind, or asked for what you really wanted instead of playing if safe?
How many times have you complained to a friend that your significant other is not treating you right, that your boss doesn’t appreciate you, that __________________________?
How many times have you danced around an issue, never really saying what you really wanted to say and coming off unclear, shy or insecure?
For me the answer to those questions was...A Lot!
I have been a recurring people pleaser, most of the time unconsciously. It might be in my very DNA. I would do anything to make others happy, to serve them. I want the people around me to be happy, but I had lost sight of myself and what I needed to be joyful. Not knowing that my joy would make those around me happy, just by being authentically ME. The irony of it all!
I was busy doing things to make others happy, while I was dying inside, tired all the time and kinda angry. I was holding back from saying what I felt and meant and it was costing me a lot. I was resenting my very self. There...I said it out loud. I was angry at myself for not standing up for what I needed, wanted and what would make me happy and frankly, I don’t even think I knew what that was for a long period of time. I was so concerned with others. This has been a huge realization for me and something I am still working out with myself and those around me daily!
The truth is it is our very birthright to be joyful. That is exactly what I work with people on in my Pure Light sessions and what my workshop Cultivating Joy: The Art of Manifesting is all about.
There is a great quote by Abraham Hicks:
“If it were your first day here, we would say Welcome to Planet Earth, there is nothing you can’t do, be or have and your job, your lifelong career is to seek joy.”
1. Believe in yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that you deserve to have whatever it is that you want and to be treated the way you want to be treated. PERIOD. Allowing ourselves to be in situations that don’t serve us are ways in which we disrespect/not love ourselves and become angry later for doing so. In truth, a lot of times we are not mad at the other person, but at ourselves for putting up with what we have put up with.
2. Know with absolute certainty what it is that you want from this person/situation. In other words, don’t go in unclear. If you are unclear of what you want you will get unclear results. Speak your needs directly.
3. Don’t come from a defensive place, speak with compassion and from the heart. You don’t have to be mean to speak your needs. If you are speaking from your heart, it may come off strong, but it will always touch the other person differently than if you speak from your head and from a defensive place.
4. Take it slow. I am a big fan of easing my way into things. Maybe start by writing a letter that you do not send. Let that sit until you are ready to speak to the person. Or practice on a less touchy situation and see how that goes.
Watch how you begin to get exactly what you want! The most important thing is to not be afraid to say what it is that you want and need. Maybe the other person had no idea you felt that way and you can have a stronger relationship after that.
As I am writing this, I am working on this very thing in a few areas in my life. I am ready to let go of that part of me that is scared to ask for what she wants. I am ready to step into my authenticity fully by speaking my needs! Join me and know that you deserve it!!