It can be a long, hard, slow, exquisite road to sexual mastery. One that, according to Malcolm Gladwell’s ideas on developing expertise in anything, takes 10,000 hours to travel.
If you are adhering to my weekly sex date rule, and Dr. Oz’s 200 orgasms a year prescription—even better if they are 4-hour orgasms—and you throw in a monthly sex weekend, you will be well on your way.
Self-pleasuring counts. As does reading, discussion, fantasy-sharing, phone sex, webcam adventures and the like.
Even still, you may need to up your commitment to sexual mastery. Given that the study is such a rewarding one, leading to genius, immortality, radiant health and spiritual ascension, it is time very well spent.
Here are some suggestions to hone your talents and release what lies within:
Their lips. Their eyes. Their breath. The shape, texture, taste and scent of every inch of them.
“I never knew I wanted to be a geographer until I saw your body.” ~ Autumn Sonnichshen
As you pause and linger over every nuance of your lover, you truly see them. That level of nakedness and vulnerability is the key to the hottest and most life-changing sex possible.
When you focus your attention so that you are present to every energetic fluctuation in between you, you slow down time. Your lovemaking becomes an intuitive dance rather than a pre-choreographed strategy.
2) Absorb their wisdom.
Yes. Every ounce of it.
Sexual fluids are potent elixirs. They are infused with your concentrated yin and yang essences. Ingesting them has a profoundly balancing and nourishing effect.
Ancient cultures collected male and female ejaculate to imbibe after an encounter: a power drink, if you will. Ditch the Red Bull and save a ton of money on those superfoods you love so much: you can harvest your own! Bottoms up, kids.
The act of devouring all aspects of your lover: literally drinking them in, is healing and bonds you more deeply.
3) Mentor under someone you admire.
The quality of admiration is overlooked in relationship. If I look back at the people I have been with, the degree to which I admired them—truly respected who they were and their contributions to the world—is the degree to which I have utterly succumbed.
Use admiration as your barometer for desire.
When you are with such a person, mentor under, on top of, on your knees and prostate with them.
I could go on and on: the possibilities are truly endless. It’s up to you to discover them.
4) Getting in The Zone.
You’ve probably had the experience of getting into “The Zone” in some part of your life. It’s that area where everything flows naturally, often found in sports, physical activity (like yoga!) or a creative act. We tap into a space where we are uncensored, natural and preternaturally gifted, even genius, at what we are engaged with.
Aim for this in your sex life: both in your emotional connection with your partner and physically.
Keep going until you get there. If you approach every conversation and sexual act as an experience that can bring you transcendence, then you will breakthrough to the other side into “The Zone.” It is here that what you’ve created takes on a life of its own.
Think of it like going running when you haven’t been out in a while. The first fifteen minutes can be grueling and feel like every lift of your leg is work. After a while, the run begins to carry you. (That, and the endorphins—much like sex).
It can be like this with sticky conversations that need to be had. At first, it feels awkward and clunky. Then you get some momentum going and you slide into a beautiful, intimate, raw space with each other. This is the golden zone.
It happens in physical sex too—you may take 15 or 30 minutes to truly find your rhythm with each other, but when you do, aim to stay there as long as possible.
This is where you learn from the act: it becomes your teacher. You begin to channel a flow and internal wisdom (your body knows) that comes from the deepest parts of you.
The best lovers aren’t made through a series of books and classes (though they don’t hurt). They are grown through the deepening of awareness, fearlessness and the ability to stay present in each moment.
Uncover. Get naked. Explore. Follow the flow.
And those 10,000 hours will pass by in the blink of an eye.