Carrie was a nice girl, she had a big social group of friends and was always out having fun, however, all was not as it seemed because every night she would go home from work feeling washed out, stressed and uptight. Her Manager was making her feel de-motivated, he never gave her any positive feedback about her work. Nothing was ever good enough or at least she just felt she couldn’t meet the expectations set of her. Carrie would go away feeling unhappy and depressed.
Paul lived on his own and he was an introvert and enjoyed his own company but was made redundant from his professional job a year ago. Paul took a positive stance at his redundancy and took advantage of the time he had to do what he loved; writing stories and articles and getting them published online. His articles were so captivating that people would contact him asking for more contributions. As a result Paul built up a valuable client base and eventually got to choose who he wrote for. He made a substantial sum of money and this meant he could take his caravan away on holiday 3 – 4 weeks at a time, when it suited him.
These two people are behaving and responding differently to their situations, they demonstrate the very simple difference between reactive and proactive behavior. There is a huge majority of people living their life in the reactive state like Carrie and leading miserable lives because of it. They are blaming other people for their unhappiness; feeling uptight because someone at work has put them in a bad mood, accusing others of being out to get them or circumstances preventing them from making progress. Know anyone like this?
I shouldn’t, I couldn’t, I can’t, I won’t, what if, but, I have to, I’ve got to...
When these statements are used it absolves you from the responsibility of the decision or action being your own. It transfers the responsibility on to someone or something else. If you live your life in this constant default, your opportunity and growth is limited. You will repeat the same routine, do the same things, live the same life, never really moving forward which will in turn make you unhappy, unfulfilled, sad, lonely and depressed. Why give away your personal power and control?
The great thing is that when you can fully take responsibility of how you feel without blaming outside influences, people and circumstances, you can change your life in an instant. A good start is by making a simple change to your language. In doing this you will automatically get your power back, allowing you to feel much more in control and less of a victim to yourself and others.
Here are five simple language changes that can change your life: