5 Rules for a Blissful Breakup

Breakups are hard. Whether you do the dumping or you get dumped, the change almost always feels like a shock. But you can use the situation to focus on your wants and deep desires.

Recently a lot of changes have taken place in my own life. I started a new career, my family dog died, I moved, and broke up with my long-term boyfriend.

Breakups, no matter who does the "breaking up," are hard to handle. They stretch our egos and push us out of our comfort zone. We as humans naturally gravitate towards what is comfortable and what is familiar, even if it no longer serves us. This makes holding onto the past one of the most common mistakes of breaking up. Use the time to focus on what your really want and steer your ship into your bright future.

Many times we hold onto the past and ignore what wasn't working. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of a loved one but know that everything has its time and place. People come into our lives to help us grow. And sometimes we outgrow one other. Learn to embrace the parting and see it as a blessing for your future self.

I came across this quote, "Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling in place," and I realized that no matter how chaotic situations may seem, change is inevitable. But how we deal with it is up to us.

I recognize I can either resist the natural changes or go with the flow. Much like the changing of the seasons, from winter to spring, new beginnings can be mini miracles. Navigating through a fresh break up, in the spirit of spring I decided to do a heavy-duty spring-cleaning, only this year it's an inside job.Here are inside spring-cleaning tips to help you glide through any transition.

Be Accountable

When you point the finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you. When we blame other people for our own life circumstance we fail to recognize our role in the outcome. Blaming others is an easy way to skate through life and continue to repeat the same desperate patterns. It is only when we step up to the plate and ask, "What is my role in this and how did I contribute to the outcome?" Then we can truly be free from feeling victimized and learn from the situation in order to step closer to our true self.


The Buddha said, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone else, you burn no one but yourself." Releasing resentment is the single best thing to do to set you free, holding onto it is the greatest obstacle keeping us from joy. We have the power to change our thoughts. We have the opportunity to change our outlook on life by letting go. Releasing and surrendering to the circumstances will help you feel more empowered. Forgive others who have hurt you; know that they have the best intentions. They did not mean to hurt you; it was your expectations that hurt the situation. Let go and trust that forgiveness will set you free. Forgive yourself first and foremost and let it be.

Celebrate You

You matter and you make a difference. Be proud of who you are and how you show up in life. Life gives us lessons and sometimes we get dragged through the thick mud. Learning to play in the dirt is part of living in the moment and embracing your unique awesomeness. Take yourself out on a fun date. Do what makes you happy and connect with the one person who should matter most in your life; YOU. Dance as if no one is watching and hug yourself for you are amazing and perfect just the way you are.

Listen to Your Heart

Your heart can be your best friend. It may feel broken and bruised, but in your heart of hearts it is calling, whispering to you softly reminding you that you are dearly loved. Embrace your inner-self and the knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be. Your heart will never ever lead you astray. Stop listening to the voices in your head and drop into your heart - listening to your heart will lead you into pure bliss.

Be Thankful

Dr. Seuss said, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." This is a helpful way to look at change. Being able to recognize all of the good you shared and appreciating the moments you had together is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. Relationships are blessings, and just because they don't always last as long as we anticipated doesn't mean they aren't a valuable part of our life. Celebrating the time you shared and respecting that it had a special place in your complete story will help you feel more at peace.

image via flickr

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Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser
Shannon Kaiser is a best-selling author, international speaker, retreat leader, and teacher. Her...
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