Many couples who make it past the honeymoon stage often times lose that magical spark when they stare into each others eyes. Where has the excitement gone? Where has the passion gone? Where has the love gone? The truth is, the love is there. Love is like the water at the bottom of a well, covered by stones, pebbles and sand. Once you remove the rubble, you reach the treasure, the water at the bottom of the well! And if you look closely you realize that the water was there all along. It required work to remove all the layers of debris, but the water was there just waiting to flow and provide you with the nutrients that you need to survive. Love is like the water at the bottom of the well. It is waiting to flow in every direction.
If you find that when you utter the words “I love you” to your partner, it is more out of comfort and convenience, and less from a place of passion and enthusiasm, fear not! With the right approach, the fire you once saw in the others' eyes will begin to burn with intensity.
In our relationships we take on the role of a sculptor. What I mean is, we attempt to sculpt and mold our partner into the perfect model person that we have imagined them to be. Without even being aware of it, we always try to control, change and possess our partner.
By trying to possess a living person we are showing them the ultimate disrespect! It means that we view the other as a static and unchanging object, no longer as a malleable and fluid human being. My case in point is, by nature human beings are ever changing. You can never step into the same river twice, similarly a human being is an energy that changes moment to moment with every single life experience. When you leave your desk and return the next day, it is obvious that you will return to the same desk that served the same purpose it did the previous day. But a human being can have one purpose one day, and a completely different purpose the very next day! When we stop viewing our partner as a piece of property, and begin seeing them as a seed that needs nourishment and support in order to blossom into a beautiful flower, we are on the first step towards rekindling that flame.
Begin to find the beauty in your differences, for that is what makes each of you truly special and unique. If we can only drop the images inside us we will find endless possibilities for enjoying the relationship. Erich Fromm, author of the book The Art of Loving beautifully states that, “In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.” It is as simple as that. When you begin to view the other as a separate individual, with true compassion and respect, only then will two souls merge together and dance to the rhythm of love.
A real relationship can never flourish in love so long as you have fantasies. These fantasies exist because of our desire to recreate the perfect Cinderella and Prince Charming fairytale that has influenced our culture since childhood. When you learn to drop your fantasy and imaginations about the other, you will experience the real relationship blossom!
Remember, a rose blooms so elegantly because it is not trying to become a lotus. A lotus blooms so elegantly because it is not trying to become a rose.