The battle is for I, for I have nothing but everything to offer. And yes, while many speak of the ego as the great battleground of man, there is an element of it far deeper to the person who feels they’ve left its inherent trappings to higher consciousness, yet still finding the sway of shifting perspectives throughout the occasional day. “I don’t feel the egoic judgments, or chasing needs and desires,” you might say, “or really have anything major to pay attention to… everything seems fine, but why do I still feel unclear?”
It’d be safe to say that many in the pursuit of a stronger mind-body connection, a life dedicated to well being, are on the open and honest path that many wish not to take. It’s a common fear of facing the great mental illness that has plagued the human race. A very curable disease, but in such a intellectualized part of the body it’s hard for us to properly register its existence, let alone escape the denial of its being there; a view that is held in the tight grasp of the ego protector.
When a friend asked me to randomly flip a tarot card yesterday sitting on his coffee table, I did so without second thought, and what I found was astounding. The deck was produced under the Spiritual sage Osho, and its topic was “Integration.”
“The politics is within you,” Osho began. “It is between the two parts of the mind. A very small bridge exists… If the bridge is broken - and the bridge is very fragile - then you become two, you behave like two persons. In the morning you are very loving, very beautiful; in the evening you are very angry, absolutely different. You don't remember your morning...how can you remember? Another mind was functioning - and the person becomes two persons. If this bridge is strengthened so much that the two minds disappear as two and become one, then integration [arises].”
Have you ever had a crappy morning where you just can’t figure out what’s missing, but by evening you’re soaring high? Forgetting the lack the morning had, and existing as a fresh new person?
I started my morning yesterday in a fickle mood, helping a friend move, and by the end was totally in my heart, relinquished of whatever “so-so” feeling was “passing through” me. If it weren’t for this integration card, I probably would have left it as just “working through something,” but that “something” is the work of crossing one mind to another, as Osho would define, paddling across where the bridge once lay in a now mixed unexplainable emotion. The bridge I imagine as higher consciousness, the centering ground of “oneness,” above the shifting “two minds” many attribute to the duality characteristics of the ego. But this is where I believe the confusion and true depth of the ego lay.
To rid ourselves of a boisterous or loathing false identity is one thing, but to not value the darkness, like night, and light, like day, we’ve missed the transient flow of what life has to offer. Like high tide to low tide, birth to death, instead of suppressing one over the other, we must learn to integrate the emotions in which the flow of life presents us, or else the great battle of ups and downs will not be won. Living the best we can in a high conscious, non-dualistic mind state is the closest removed one can be from the ego, but that doesn’t mean to become un-attached to the physical realm, flowing subconsciously from one mind space to the other, without acknowledging the previous experience if drastically different from the present one.
These are traumatic times, and the bridges between dark and light have been washed out for many of us, leaving shifting personalities to exist in. We must affirm the creation of the bridge once more, allowing the yin and yang to flow smoothly; integrating them both in a swaying balance in this beauty we call life.
I leave this entry with an affirmation to be said aloud: