The Unexpected Issue Keeping You From Mind-Blowing Orgasms

When I began practicing Tantra back in 2008, I could have one clitoral orgasm with a vibrator or my finger. My vagina felt numb during intercourse—or even hurt. I believed my G-spot was a fairy tale.

I certainly didn't know my body was capable of more types of orgasms than I had fingers to count them. And I never could've guessed that the parts of my vagina that typically felt no sensation or felt pain during sex would later prove to be my most reliable gateways to sexual ecstasy.

In short, I was like most other women in North America—ignorant of my true orgasmic potential and uneducated about how body armoring can desensitize our erogenous zones.

Body armoring can happen to any area of the body that has been physically traumatized by assault or injury. But, more surprisingly, body armoring also happens in response to mental and/or emotional pain—which is why it so often shows up in our genitals.

Genital body armoring can develop without direct physical trauma. It is often the result of simply living in a culture that teaches us to disconnect from and fear our natural sexual desires and urges.

It is the result of us being taught and believing on some deep level that sexual pleasure is shameful, scary, impure, sinful, dirty, or wrong in any way.

It can come from being told that "good girls don't...touch themselves, masturbate, have sex, enjoy sex, make a mess during sex." (Insert shame-inducing judgment here.)

It can be caused by slut-shaming—being called a tramp, a whore, a slut for having and enjoying sex. Or even for being perceived as having and enjoying sex.

It can also be a result of rough sex, sex before you are ready, disconnected sex, sex without enough lubrication, and even sex that is anything less than a whole-body "Hell yes!"

Healing genital armoring is a sacred, spiritual experience and a profound act of self-love, so I encourage you to create dedicated sacred space—both internally and externally.

Externally, set up a "temple" in a room where you feel safe with candles or soft lighting, sensual aromas, soft pillows and blankets, and gentle music. This is a sacred healing session.

Using some organic, edible lubricant or oil, begin massaging your vulva starting with the mons pubis (the tissue that sits over the joint of your pubic bones) and working your way down, breathing deeply at every point of contact. Make sure to touch, massage, stroke, and caress every tiny centimeter of your outer labia, inner labia, your perineum, your clitoral shaft, and even your pelvic floor and groin muscles.

Once you feel sufficiently aroused and at ease from your vulva massage, begin focusing on awakening and heightening those pleasurable sensations. Start by stimulating your external clitoris in a way that feels most yummy for you.

The internal vaginal massage can be done with fingers or sex toys—whatever you prefer. Many women typically have some body armoring right at the introitus (the opening of the vaginal canal), so proceed carefully and slowly with the initial penetration. Place the tip of your finger or the toy right at the vaginal opening and gently apply pressure.

If you notice any resistance, pain, or irritation, simply maintain that pressure while you stimulate the clitoris. The goal here is to translate the pleasure from your bliss pearl to the introitus—your other point of contact. This is called "transference."

Translating pleasure from one point of contact to another is the key to melting body armor and accessing your full potential for pleasure.

During this phase of the ritual, focus as much as possible on feeling and increasing pleasure. Let pleasure be your baseline, and notice anywhere there is not pleasure.

When you find those places that aren't feeling the pleasurable sensations (and, for some of us, this could be our entire vagina when we start, so don't be discouraged), just try to relax and breathe. Continue to stimulate your vagina where you feel pleasure, and try to gently stimulate the areas (one at a time) where you are not experiencing pleasure, simultaneously. Try to do this until the sensations sync up in your brain and nervous system.

As this takes place, you may notice emotions or memories arising. You might experience physical pain and/or irritation in association with these emotions and memories. Just relax and breathe through them. Try to maintain this gentle stimulation until the emotion and accompanying sensation pass. This cathartic release is a crucial part of the healing process.