Think about a 7-year-old boy who's been asking his parents to buy him a bike. He's very persistent in asking, but every time they respond, "Johnny, if you continue to do your chores every week for the next three months, we will buy you a shiny, red bike for Christmas." He continues to do his chores, visualizing and dreaming about that special day that he'll get to ride his new bike.
Christmas comes and Johnny opens his present. For the next year, he treasures his bike. He spends time taking good care of it, washing it, and filling the tires frequently. He loves and values his bike even more than he otherwise would've because he put time, effort, and energy into acquiring it. Most likely, Johnny won't ask his parents for a new bike for a long time.
Now, imagine Johnny's parents gave him the bike the day he asked for it. Would he have the same investment in the bike as he did in the first scenario? How many months would it take for Johnny to ask his parents for another bike, or maybe a new scooter? When we have to work for something, we become more invested in it. This helps us really appreciate whatever it is that we have put our time, effort, and energy toward.
Now, let's delve back into dating and relationships. This example is meant to show you that when you sleep with someone right away, neither of you has had sufficient time to truly value and appreciate who each of you is. When a person spends only a couple of hours getting to know you, it's a small investment. Whether you like it or not, the truth is that if something comes too easily and we haven't worked for it, it loses its value quickly. This is why it's hard to end long-term relationships even when it's clear that they are not working out. Both parties involved have invested so much, it's difficult to let go.
It's also incredibly important for us as women to build value in ourselves. How can we do this? Spending time, effort, and energy on ourselves is a great place to start. Whether it be reading a self-enrichment book, meditating, or going to the gym, spending time investing in your own value is a way of modeling the way you want others to treat you.
Next time you're in a situation where you want to sleep with someone you like on the first date, think about the two words we've gone over—value and investment. And know that valuing and investing in yourself doesn't look the same for everyone. Learn what makes you feel valued, and live accordingly. This is what works for me. I hope you move forward in your dating relationships and every other area of your life feeling more empowered.