How Astrology Empowered Me To Break Up With A Narcissist
I sat wide-eyed listening to my therapist Benita’s retelling of the goddess Sedna’s legend. It was both horrendous and empowering. Finally, she said, “In your chart, Sedna represents where you see yourself as a victim. And once you overcome that, you become beyond powerful."
I made a mental note to investigate my natal chart.
At the same time, I was gobsmacked that my therapist was speaking in terms of astrology to me.
You see, it’s always been a language I’ve aligned with. Albeit wrapped precariously in secret and shame.
Raised in a Catholic household and later taking on the identity of "psychologist" made me wary of my alternative disposition, no matter how inexplicably magnetizing I found astrology.
Loading my natal chart, I gulped. Sedna in the Seventh House: The house of personal relationships.
I finally burst free from my delusion. “P, he’s been abusing you," I told myself. "You’ve started to see yourself as a victim.”
It was time to take my power back.
Unexpectedly, immersing myself shame-free in astrology taught me to love myself. Through that, I reclaimed my power, making the decision that transformed my wellness, healing and career. I left my abuser and never looked back.
Today, I tell my story so you can learn how to harness astrology to reach the epiphanies that can bring closure and overcome your present challenges.
Where does your Sedna lie?
Benita says, “Here is a female entrapped, beguiled and victimized all her life, let down by everyone. It is only at her transformation that we witness her true power—goddess power, when she finally lets go. Sedna teaches us that suffering is a choice”.
Seeing Sedna in my House of Relationships shook me awake. I’d unknowingly put myself in a position to be abused. That would never have happened had I not seen myself as a victim.
So, I threw myself into a deep healing journey, trying to find the reasons my life had become what it was. Our earliest experiences form the blueprints in our minds that lead us to repeat these experiences. Deep down we believe that’s what we deserve—even if the rational mind knows better.
Sedna taught me to reach out to my friends again, build my business, and grow my network. Little did I know that this was preparing me for my next step.
Where does Sedna reside in your chart? She’ll tell you where to take your power back.
What is your Lilith telling you?
Six months later, I delved into my natal Lilith.
I’ve always been drawn to the story of Lilith, the goddess who refused to lie under Adam. If you’re from an Abrahamic faith, Lilith may sound scary to you. But really, her archetype was bastardized as a diabolical vampire.
I learned from my favorite astrologer, Mystic Medusa, that “Lilith manifests as an Amazonian power of glam, composed resilience ... but repress the energy and she can be your personal nightmare of rage and self-destruction." Essentially, "Lilith is where you don’t tow the line, where you were not supported—even abandoned or abused—and where you’ve had to make up the rules for yourself as you go along."
My Lilith in Eighth House taught me that I didn’t have to be ashamed of my sexuality. Whenever I didn’t wear ugly clothes, my ex-partner would shame me for tempting men. My body felt tainted. It was time for me to reclaim it, so I started wearing dresses and red lipstick again.
Then my Lilith in Gemini showed me that I could be proud of my intellect and opinions again. My ex would continuously tell me that my achievements meant nothing, censoring my opinions, and answering for me whenever anyone asked me about my profession. Instead, I started to write for various publications, learning to be comfortable expressing my opinions. Then I told my story. I learned that vulnerability is my source of strength and self-love.
Do you have a Retrograde chart?
I’d tried to leave my ex multiple times over the years, fed up with his possessiveness and paranoia. He pulled me back with a combination of playing the victim: “I’m so old now, I’m a failure in relationships, I’ll become a monk;" persecutor: “You’re so un-compassionate, doctor. Is this how you treat your patients?"and rescuer: “You’re too old to start a new relationship, you’re past your prime. I’m your savior."
As time passed, the last one scared me.
Every time I looked at my body, I was reminded that I wasn’t the lithe young woman I used to be. My neck was infested with cystic acne. I looked exhausted. I was sleeping with my possessions hidden every night, never knowing when I’d be in danger. Of course my body wasn’t happy.
Then there was the shame. How would I explain things to my close friends and parents? How would people see me?
But I also knew that, at 29, my life was ripe for the picking. I had achieved so much that I was proud of. And I had people in my life who loved and supported me.
What finally made the difference was the discovery of my retrograde chart. At our time and place of birth, some planets may be moving backwards, as denoted by the tiny "R" next to their symbol in our charts. This means that we absorb the lessons of that planet inwards, so we have a harder time initially. For instance, having Pluto (transformation, power) in retrograde means that I resist the many transformations in my life. And in turn, they will keep happening and challenging me, until I learn to work with them.
Astrologer Martin Schulman says that if you have more than three retrograde planets in your natal chart, then you’re a late bloomer and your life begins after 30. I have five retrograde planets. So I took that as a final sign from my chart to walk away from an abusive relationship.
Where is Pluto in transit?
“Darling, Pluto is transiting through your IC. He’s been there for ages" Benita told me gently, weeks before I ended my relationship.
Besides telling you where the sun, moon, and planets are when you were born, your chart also tells you how these heavenly bodies are currently activating your natal energies as they travel through the skies. Mystic Medusa says that these transits “inspire new dimensions of life or augment what is already strong within.
Pluto—the mythological god of the underworld—takes 248 years to transit an entire chart, meaning that there are parts of our chart that it will never pass through through our lifetime.
Mystic Medusa describes the Pluto-IC transit as a “super-strong, once-in-a-lifetime transit that inspires a deep desire to live more authentically. People can manifest the most amazing energy to deal with legacy family issues and/or score a home base that is totally them." Benita says that people can become homeless or lose their jobs and relationships during this transition. Indeed, I nearly became homeless, but that’s a story for another day.
I realized that Pluto was also traversing my Capricorn (structures and systems), and Mars (willpower and assertion), meaning I was having a triple hit at the same time. So I decided to work with Pluto—purging every single structure, relationship and belief that was no longer serving me. For starters, I left my ex. For good.
Of course, I felt a sense of loss. Our brains are hardwired to avoid loss, so everyday I’d apply and diffuse Doterra’s CONSOLE essential oil blend. It contains rose to invoke unconditional love, ylang ylang, which connects us to our heart for healing, and frankincense, which reunites us with our true selves. Interestingly, these oils are also auspicious for working with the planet Pluto.
Astrology is more than just our sun sign— the stuff we check in magazines and newspapers. The way the planets, houses and signs interact makes up a complex network of insights to ourselves. Self-awareness is the foundation of growth. Just as in therapy or coaching, we often uncover the root of something and discover ourselves in a new way, astrology is another powerful tool.
As Mystic Medusa says, “Our birth chart is a handy way to zoom in on strengths and weaknesses, patterns that flow really well for you and those that need more work to function optimally." It illuminates some of our challenges, which can be polished into our biggest sources of strength.
Today, my life couldn’t be more different.I no longer have panic attacks. I live in a place of beauty, and only have people in my life who love and support me. My career is thriving, and I work with clients passionate about transforming their lives. My body has never looked better. Most importantly, the shame is gone.
I know now that I am not my story, but rather the evolution of my experiences.
Astrology taught me that it’s safe for me to own who I am—to talk about astrology, self-love and plant medicine openly in my work—the pieces of myself I'd been rejecting all my life.