When you learn how to take loving responsibility for your feelings, self-worth, and safety, and to learn from your feelings rather than ignore them, then you are no longer desperate for your partner to make you feel loved, worthy, or secure. By learning to love yourself, you become filled with love to share with your partner. Instead of trying to get love from your partner, you desire to communicate, connect, and make love with your partner to share the love that is already within you.
Learning to love yourself is the most important thing you can do to improve your relationship. As you learn to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental, you will find that it's easy to be compassionate rather than judgmental with your partner. When you learn to be kind to yourself, you will find that you are naturally kind to your partner. When you learn to listen to yourself, you will find it easy to listen to your partner.
Instead of trying to get your partner to change, why not change the person you can—you? And why not start today? You might be surprised by what happens.