Going On A First Date? Keep These 4 Things In Mind

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First dates can be a huge source of anxiety. Even though dating is fun and exciting in theory, we often find ourselves feeling anxious about how a date will go and if the person will be a match.

This fear comes from a few things. The first is our desire to control—to know exactly how things are going to turn out. The second is our expectation about what the experience should be like. In our minds, it's only a good date if the other person is soul mate material. And the third is the undue pressure that we put on ourselves to "perform," resulting from our own insecurities and the feeling that we might not be enough on our own.

Here are a few techniques to help you move out of the fear and into the best possible date experience:

1. Remind yourself that this date isn't going to make or break you.

Here's the thing: You already have all the fulfillment that you need inside of you. You don't need another person to complete you. Once you've tapped into this fulfillment, you'll be able to approach first dates with a sense of healthy detachment.

You realize that your happiness doesn't exist on the other side of any person, place, or thing. It exists inside you, in the here and now. You stop thinking that a relationship will be the source of your happiness, and instead you're able to view your relationships as a channel to deliver the fulfillment that you already have. So going in with this mindset on a first date means that you'll give off very different energy than going into it with the mindset that you need this person to save you or to make your life better.

Detachment is sexy; neediness is not.

2. Don't get stuck on your expectations.

You might also find yourself going into the date with the worry that the other person won't be enough.

If you've done my "ideal partner" exercise, you probably have a good idea of what kind of person you ultimately want to end up with. But your only job on this date is to be open to whatever the universe is handing you. Instead of worrying about whether or not the person is going to be your perfect match, what if instead you gave yourself permission to simply be excited about the date? Sometimes we're trying so hard to protect ourselves from the fear of it not working out that we miss the best part, which is the anticipation.

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3. Allow the experience to be the reward.

Take a moment to permit yourself to see the date going well. Picture yourself sitting across from the other person in a great location. You've ordered the perfect food, you're sipping on the perfect drinks, and everything feels effervescent, flirty, and fun.

Even if you know it isn't a fit, what if you hold this person as the most beautiful version of themselves? What if you choose to see only the great things about them, and you love and accept them as they are? Asking yourself "What have I learned inside of this exchange?" and "What have I enjoyed about this interaction with this human?" helps take the pressure off because it shows that this doesn't have to be an interview for a spouse for the rest of your life. This way, you can allow yourself to enjoy the experience for the sake of having the experience.

4. Acknowledge your efforts.

Picture the date coming to a close, and saying goodbye to your date and thanking them for sharing their time and energy. Then find yourself coming back to your home and give yourself a high-five for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. What's important isn't the outcome of the date; it's the fact that you put yourself out there and allowed yourself to have an enjoyable experience with another human being. Because at the end of the day, we're all simply humans and we all want to be loved and be seen.

For some powerful exercises on how to prep for a first date, you can check out my mbg course Guided Visualizations: How to Overcome Your Fears, Excel at Work & Have Mind-Blowing Sex. You already have everything you need inside you to light up the room on your next date, now it's time to let yourself fully enjoy the process.

Emily Fletcher

Founder of Ziva Meditation
Emily Fletcher is the founder of Ziva Meditation, the world's first online meditation training. Ziva's mission is to make meditation attractive and accessible to modern people who are ready to up-level their performance and their life. Recently featured in the New York Times and regarded as one of the leading experts in Vedic meditation, Emily has been invited by companies like Google, Barclays Bank, Viacom, Chanel, Coca-Cola, and sweetgreen to help up-level company performance through meditation.Emily has had the honor of speaking at Summit Series, Awesomeness Fest, and the Omega Center. She began her nine years of training in Rishikesh, India, and was inspired to teach after experiencing the profound physical and mental benefits meditation provided her during her 10-year career on Broadway, which included roles in Chicago, The Producers, and A Chorus Line. With her high-performance background and intensive meditation training, Emily is perfectly suited to teach busy people how to incorporate meditation and visualization into their life, and she's an mbg course instructor! You can learn with her by joining her course, Guided Visualizations: How to Overcome Your Fears, Excel at Work, and Have Mind-Blowing Sex. She has also created a powerful guided visualization called zivaDETOX. It's a simple, downloadable audio that is designed to help you release thoughts and stress that are not serving you and to get you on the right path to leaving the stress behind. If Ziva sounds charming to you or you want to deepen your daily practice, you can join a global community of meditators and uplift your life from the comfort of your own home.
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Emily Fletcher

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