Melissa Ambrosini is an entrepreneur, author, motivational speaker, and self-love teacher. Her mission is to guide people to live from the heart. To learn more about choosing love over fear and how it can change your life, explore her class, Manifest Your Dream Life: How to Bring Abundance to Your Career, Health & Relationships.
Today more than ever, we are disconnected—both from ourselves and from others, which is funny, because we're also seemingly more "connected" than ever before—we're constantly bombarded with information; we're always wired and switched on and constantly being pulled out of the present moment by the ding of our phones. Yet all this digital "connectivity" is leaving us feeling isolated and empty. As a result, we're craving depth, intimacy, connection, and love, now more than ever before.
And part of the deep connection we're craving is with our significant other—we want authentic, deep, juicy love with our partner; we want rich interactions, and boy, oh, boy, do we want mind-blowing sex. Am I right, or am I right?
But there is one thing holding you back from experiencing that mind-blowing sex you deeply crave—and that is fear. More specifically, it's your inner critic, who lives in a constant state of fear. It's your inner critic's voice that says, You look fat! Don't let him see you in the light, make sure you suck in your tummy, and stop eating stuff you shouldn't! Honestly, you're so gross I can't even believe he is with you—and are you seriously going to try and cover up your cellulite with fake tan? Don't even bother!
Can you believe the things we say to ourselves? When it's written out like that, it seems utterly absurd… Yet that's what plays on the mental mixtape in so many of our heads.
But I've got a proposition for you: How about, instead of letting that negative internal dialogue play on repeat, you try choosing love instead? Yes, love!
Without getting all "woo-woo" on you, let's get something clear: Love is your natural state. It's the truth of who you are. And when you can actually remember that, you will experience Oneness/Love/God (whatever you wanna call it) when making love with your partner. But so many of us have had that negative internal dialogue on repeat for 20, 30, 40, or even 50-plus years that we forget that we are love and that love is our natural state. (And, of course, we start listening to our inner critic's mixtape of negativity.) But I am here to remind you right now ...
You are love.
Your natural state is love.
Love is the truth of who you are.
Write it out. Stick in on a Post-it note. Tattoo it on your forehead. Just do whatever you need to do to remind yourself of the truth. Why? Because you are worth it! Despite what your inner critic says, you ARE worthy of an epic life—one that is full of abundance, love, connection, and deep, mind-blowing sex (if that's what you truly desire).
So, my sweet friend, it's time to stop telling yourself otherwise. Start choosing love instead of fear, and get ready to experience what you came here to experience.
Catch yourself next time your inner critic starts to lead you down the path of fear, and take yourself through this three-step process to master your inner critic and return to love:
1. Practice awareness.
Become aware of what your inner critic is actually saying to you. Is it, You're not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, or sexy enough? Write it down. For most people, these sorts of fear-based beliefs pop up the nanosecond we get into a relationship or step into the boudoir.
Yet we're usually so unconscious and not present that we aren't even aware of this negative internal dialogue, so we can't do anything about it! That's why bringing your awareness to what your inner critic is actually saying is the first step. Awareness is key! Once you know what you know, you can't un-know it.
2. Gently close the door on your inner critic.
Once you're aware that your inner critic has popped up, you can now choose to gently close the door on it. "Choose" being the operative word. It's a choice! It's not about fighting your inner critic or waging an inner battle—that'll just cause more pain and suffering. Instead, it's a gentle, grateful act that comes from a place of peace.
3. Choose love instead.
Once you have gently closed the door on your inner critic, choose to come back to your heart and choose love instead of fear. It's so much more fulfilling and juicy when you do.
So, next time your inner critic tries to pop up and tell you you're not worthy of this relationship, or he's too good to be true, take yourself through that three-step process to come back to love. You deserve it!