Melissa Ambrosini is an entrepreneur, author, motivational speaker, and self-love teacher. Her mission is to guide people to live from their heart. To learn more about choosing love over fear and how it can change your life, explore her class, Manifest Your Dream Life: How to Bring Abundance to Your Career, Health & Relationships.
No matter where we are on our personal journey, we all have that little fear-based voice inside our heads. You know the one I mean—it's the voice that's always whispering negative things in our ears and is determined to keep us stuck in Fear Town instead of soaring in the stratosphere, where we truly belong.
You can call that voice your inner critic. Though we all have one, not many people are aware of it or understand how to master it so they can experience abundance in all areas of their lives. But the truth is, my sweet friend, you don't have to listen to that voice or let it rule your life anymore.
After working with thousands of people across the globe to help them master their inner critics, I've identified certain negative statements that crop up again and again that keep us from experiencing abundance.
Here are the seven most common fear-based thoughts we let our inner critic tell us and key action steps to help us overcome them:
1."You're not smart, sexy, buff, or skinny enough."
How many times have you looked in the mirror and scoffed at yourself? How many times have you doubted yourself, your abilities, and your achievements? Undermining yourself in this way is destructive and does nothing but keep you small and stuck. Make peace with where you are at this very moment and give yourself permission to forge onward and to truly shine just as you are. And remember, you are perfect, whole, and complete just as you are.
2. "You're not as good as him/her."
Comparing yourself to other people will put you on the express route to Unhappyland. Whether you're measuring yourself against your friends, your colleague, some random person on Instagram, or a Victoria's Secret model, our inner critic is wired to pick up the faults in ourselves while seeing only the crowning achievements of others. Ditch the "comparisonitis" by keeping your eyes on your own game and switch off from social media if that's a big trigger for you. You can turn back to it once you can have a healthy relationship with it.
3. "You're too old to even bother trying XYZ, launching or starting your dream business."
This is such a common excuse, but you know what? It's a massive copout. There are people all around us doing amazing things regardless of their age—whether it's launching a business at 50, running a marathon at 60, or taking up painting at 70. Did you know at age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare? Samuel L. Jackson didn't get his first movie role until he was 46. And Louise Bourgeois didn't become a famous artist until she was 78. Age is an illusion. So, gather your own evidence of people doing awesome things, let go of the number, and simply follow your heart's desires.
4. "You're such a fraud."
Can I tell you a little secret? Everyone who's ever taken a risk has felt like they're a fraud at some point or another; like they're not fully "qualified" for the role. Whether it's becoming a mom, publishing your work, or stepping up as the CEO, it's always scary to try something new and to step outside of your comfort zone.
But this is yet another example of your inner critic attempting to keep you "safe and small" by stopping you from following your heart. Don't listen to it! No one knows how long we are on this earth. It could be over tomorrow while our dreams are still waiting to be realized. Take that leap and trust that the Universe will catch you.
5. "Who could possibly love you?"
I believe you have to become bursting with love within yourself first before you can truly open your heart to your soul mate. But, of course, your inner critic doesn't want that. It wants you to keep playing small and renting the penthouse in Fear Town, but that's totally boring! Bursting with love is way more fun.
6. "You're a failure."
Every time you "fail," there’s an opportunity to grow. It’s time to start seeing your failures as opportunities for growth and to pivot, adjust, and expand, instead of giving ammunition to your inner critic.
7. "You say the dumbest things."
Give yourself a break. Everyone says things they think maybe weren’t the most supportive at times, but you need to let that go. Besides, in the big picture of life, everything is always perfect just as it is, and when you choose to see things like that nothing is ever wrong or dumb. It’s just your judgment of it that keeps you stuck. Let go of the past and come back to the beautiful present, right here, right now.
Which one of these phrases is most common for you? Write it down. Together, let’s commit to removing these phrases from our vocabularies and mastering our inner critics so we can experience and live an abundant life.