15 Things Men Want In Relationships (But Might Not Tell You)

Written by Vishnu Subramaniam
Vishnu Subramaniam is a writer, coach, and author of nine self published books, including The Sacred Art of Letting Go.

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We love you. We need you. We want you. But what are we really looking for in a woman?

We won’t say out loud, or write it down, or put it in on our online profile, or even talk about it among ourselves.

No, most men are not in the habit of saying what they want. But I can tell you from my own experience, most (if not all) men want and need you to offer them these things:

1. Your kindness.

The world can be cruel and punishing. Our work is rough and our co-workers can be too competitive. We deal with judgment and comparisons by those closest to us. A little less judgment, a little more forgiveness and understanding from the woman we love goes a long way.

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2. Your happiness.

Tell us you’re happy. Show us you’re happy. We want to be around you when you’re happy. We’ll be there during the tough times, but want to know that there are plenty of happy times and that we're responsible for some of them. Your happiness is contagious.

3. Your praise and appreciation.

The next time we do something well, tell us you appreciated it and how it improved your life or made you happy. Tell us how it made you feel and what you liked about it. Let us know that you’re grateful we’re in your life and you appreciate our company, contribution, and companionship.

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4. Your approval.

We don’t like to admit it, but often we don’t think you approve of what we do, how we behave or live. Take those opportunities when we do get it right to let us know that you approve. Tell us you approve of our decisions, our choices, or the way we handled something. Tell us you’re proud of us.

5. Your touch.

We need your touch, your caress, your kisses. Your intimacy is important to us—maybe a bit too important. When we’re touched, we feel loved. When you’re generous with your affection, you make us feel on top of the world.

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6. Your passion.

We want you to want us, to desire us, to tell us that you’re into us. Express your passion to us.

7. Your strength and support.

We need you most when we’re facing challenges in our own lives. While we may not talk about it, we need someone with your quiet strength. We need someone to provide balance, support, and encouragement. Tell us you have our backs when we’re going through our struggles. We may not want to talk about it much, but be there for us when we do need you.

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8. Your presence and understanding.

We’re problem-solvers and like to fix things. When dealing with problems, we don’t need solutions as much as we need your presence and understanding. We may not even feel like talking about what we’re experiencing, but you being there, being understanding and supportive is all we need. We just want to know that we’re not alone.

9. Your humility and ability to let go.

We want women who respect us and treat us as their equals. We want women who are willing to compromise and who let go of grudges quickly. If we screwed up, don’t hold it against us forever. Let go of the grudge and give us another chance.

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10. Your loyalty.

Like you, we want to feel like we’re the only one in your life. Help us feel more certain of you by showing that you're committed to us. Be there for us when we need you most. Support us when no one else does. Be our committed partner in crime.

11. Your trust.

We value your trust and you trusting in us. We want you to be there for us and want to know that we can count on you when we need you. By the same token, we want you to trust that we’re dependable, committed, and will be there for you when you need us.

12. Your patience.

We’re not perfect, and may not be exactly the man you want just yet. We appreciate your patience in helping us grow into the best version of ourselves we can be. We’re not going to become our highest selves overnight. Your encouragement and patience will give us what we need to transform.

13. Your lightheartedness and laughter.

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, "Life is far too important to be taken seriously." People make mistakes, stumble, and even disappoint each other. While we face difficult, distressing news in the world, we want to be with someone who can still find joy in the little things. Your laughter, humor, and perspective on what matters help us enjoy life more.

14. Your friendship.

We need your friendship first and always. We want to enjoy spending time with you, we want to share your interests, and we want to feel comfortable around you. Cultivate our friendship first and win our heart forever.

15. Your distance (sometimes).

It’s not that we’re all a bunch of cavemen who need as much time alone as we do with you, but we do need to recharge emotionally. The biggest gift you can give us is some time alone and time to pursue the interests we have that you might not share. It keeps us balanced and gives us a chance to miss you.

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