Fight The Right Way: How To Argue For Deeper Intimacy

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Experiencing intimacy in your relationship, believe it or not, is sometimes a result of fighting for what you believe in—even if your partner doesn’t see things the same way. Whether you butt heads about money, religion, politics, or whose turn it is to clean out the litter box, it’s a divine opportunity. No couple sees eye to eye on everything—that doesn’t mean you aren’t with your soul mate.

Having a different point of view doesn't mean you aren't still all in. The secret to a great relationship is actually in this diversity. Every difference, every conflict between two people who love each other contributes to the growth and transformation of these two people—if you can stay in the room. Having some challenges in your marriage? That could be great news. You might be on the verge of going deeper with your partner and experiencing a love you never dreamed was possible. But to get there, you have to learn to fight for intimacy.

Here’s how:

1. Agree on ground rules.

Having an awesome fight requires a commitment to nonviolence in thought, action, and speech. Maintain mutual respect. Keep the vibe constructive.

2. Separate the behavior from the person.

Adopt the perspective that while you may not like how your partner is thinking, acting, or speaking, you love them completely.

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3. Let go.

Being stubborn in your beliefs (when you have good reasons to think otherwise) can imprison you from the inside out. Beliefs can be very isolating and potentially separate you from the one you love. Relax your mind and make room for another point of view. Your partner doesn’t necessarily have to share all of your beliefs in order for you to have a great relationship.

4. Inquire.

Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right in my relationship, or do I want to be happy? In my experience, being happy is more fun.

5. Understand that two perspectives or “truths” are present in your relationship and that both are equally relevant.

Though admittedly challenging, It’s an opportunity to stretch yourself.

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6. Take care of yourself.

We are born alone and we die alone. It is not your partner’s life purpose to make you happy. That’s an inside job. Do your inner child work. Meditate. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as your best self.

7. Forgive.

Taking this action is immensely powerful. When you forgive your partner, you both receive the blessing of a restored relationship.

8. Give in.

Allow yourself to soften to your partner. Learn to love them unconditionally, exactly as they are—before any weight loss or career advancement. Love them simply for who they are, right now, standing in front of you.

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9. Make up.

The best part of having a fight is making up. Don’t waste this chance to heal, love, and connect in reestablished intimacy.

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