Last night was the 11th GOP presidential debate—which means it was the 11th time we watched the Republican candidates engage in an embarrassing verbal wrestling match rife with throat-clawing, below-the-belt hits, and, of course phallic references. In other words: the best, trashiest kind of reality television.
But this time, there was a finally a Zen moment.
And then later, when Trump tried to talk over Cruz, this happened:
Cruz: Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Trump: I am, Ted.
Cruz: You can do it. You can breathe. I know it's hard. I know it's hard. But just—
Rubio: When they're done with the yoga, can I answer a question?
Cruz: You cannot—I really hope that you don't see yoga on this stage.
Rubio: Well, he's very flexible, so you never know.
The audience roared. Good one, Rubio.
But immediately I imagined them ripping off their suits and ties, revealing tight, patriotically patterned yoga gear underneath—and I haven't been able to shake the image since.
Think about it: if anyone could use a dose of yoga, it would be the red-faced, bulging-neck-veined GOP candidates. So, we imagined which poses would be the best for each of them. Think they'll take our suggestions?
Marco Rubio in (wobbly) Tree Pose
As the candidate with the least experience, Rubio's roots are not yet fully planted in the political landscape.
Ted Cruz in Revolved Prayer Standing Rising Wind Relieving Pose
Since Cruz believes that he has "God's blessing," this pose is probably already second nature to him.
John Kasich in Half Pose Dedicated to Sage Goraksha
Kasich is obviously coming from the right, but compared to everyone else on stage, he's pretty centered and balanced.
Donald Trump in Complete Firefly Pose 4
Trump has turned the model of campaigning on its head by showing the world who he truly is.
Can we get a woosah?