When you meet a new guy, it’s tempting to think you need to actively do something to show him why he should be attracted to you and interested in you. You might think you need to show him what a great cook you are by making him a meal or how good you are at problem-solving.
While every relationship needs a balance of give and take, these efforts on your part are not what make a man attracted to you. The truth is that irresistible women are irresistible because of their attitudes. It’s not about effort.
An attitude is how you tell people about yourself without saying a single word. Your emotions, which are reflected in your body language and tone of voice, all communicate your attitude.
If you take on (or already have) any of these attitudes, you’ll have more suitors than you can handle:
1. "I don't let a man determine what I will have in my love life."
This kind of woman won't settle for a man who isn't giving her what she wants and needs emotionally. Men respect this at a deep level, and they either become engaged and inspired to be who you need or turn the other way if they don’t think they can provide it.
So, how do you foster the confidence necessary to take on this no-nonsense attitude?
Take stock of what you really need in a relationship, and then stick up for it.
For instance, say you’re ready for an exclusive relationship. Simply tell him, “You have every right to date other women, but I’m looking for exclusivity. It’s what feels right for me.” This is a lot different from issuing a man an ultimatum.
It tells him that this is what you need independently of him rather than putting pressure on him to make something happen. You’re telling him what you need, whether he’s involved or not.
2. "I'd leave a man rather than tolerate unacceptable behavior."
Similarly to not letting a man dictate what you need when dating casually, this attitude is about sustaining that independence. This attitude means you won't stay in a relationship that's abusive, degrading, or morally questionable. You won't put up with bad behavior from a man, whatever that means to you. Integrity and trust are important to you, and you are important enough to yourself to enforce those boundaries.
The cornerstone of this attitude is a healthy sense of self-esteem.
In a relationship, the first person you must take care of is you. Know your boundaries so that you can recognize when someone crosses them — and make it clear when something isn’t acceptable to you.
3. "I wouldn't keep a man from doing the healthy, personal things he enjoys, or let my own fears or limitations stand in his way."
This is about knowing that your partner is an adult who has the right and freedom to make his own choices. This attitude means understanding that the more you try to restrict a man, the less open, free, and empowered he’ll feel when he’s with you. Respect his need to pursue his goals and dreams.
A self-assured woman gives a man the space he needs to be himself. She recognizes that when each person in a relationship nourishes his or her particular passions, the relationship becomes more interesting and passionate.
When you embody these attitudes, a man is much less likely to "get weird" or respond uncomfortably when you let him know how you're feeling because he’ll be craving a meaningful and deep connection with you as well.
These attitudes tell him that you are the kind of woman who has a strong sense of what she needs and that you don't expect him to make you happy. You take responsibility for your own happiness — and this is infinitely attractive.