What Circular Dating Is + Why It's The Secret To Finding The One

Written by Rori Raye

Say you think you’ve found “the one.” You're attracted, you enjoy each other's company, you’re compatible, and you even like each other’s quirks. You should stop dating other men, right? Wrong.

Getting serious with someone too quickly can blind you to potential problems in the relationship while closing off other options that might be better for you. And devoting all your time and attention to any one man before you have the relationship you want can actually slow the process down.

This is because men approach commitment differently than women do. It's easy for us to imagine the wedding dress and to scribble his last name next to ours. But men normally take a bit of time to come to a conclusion about where a relationship is headed. Remember, he has to "fall" in love with you.

The best way to help him do that — and make sure you take the time YOU need to make a sound decision about him — is to keep dating other men. I call this “Circular Dating.” You keep your rotation of men going while staying grounded and centered.

When a man can't take you for granted because he sees you're keeping busy and not putting all your hopes in him, it motivates him to move closer to you. It creates the need for him to "win" you all to himself. That's when he'll ask you for commitment.

What Circular Dating Means

By dating, I mean continue to flirt with men and accept invitations to meet for coffee or have dinner. If you’re online dating, it’s even easier — meet as many matches as you can.

Doing this turns dating into a fun, worthwhile experience that lets you figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for. Every man you meet is a gift that allows you to learn about yourself and discover what you want and don’t want out of a relationship.

The other bonus to this approach is that your Mr. Right might actually look nothing like you imagined. By not closing yourself off prematurely to dating, you allow the partner who’s truly right for you to find you.

By taking the focus off any one man, you accomplish two things. First, when a man realizes that you haven’t made him the center of your world, it keeps him motivated to court you and win you over.

If a man senses that you are utterly devoted to him before he has asked you for a commitment, it makes you actually appear less attractive to him. Men fall in love by giving to you, and he can’t do this if you haven’t created the space for him to do so.

The second reason you want to keep dating is that it changes your vibe and makes you even more attractive.


Keeping the Focus on Yourself

By focusing on yourself and doing the things that make you feel warm and romantic and wonderful inside, you become infinitely more desirable. This is what I call “dating yourself.” It means you treat yourself to the things you love. You buy yourself things that make you feel beautiful.

Instead of feeling desperate, you feel free. Instead of feeling needy, you feel generous. Dating yourself and flirting with other men makes you feel strong inside. It makes you feel wanted and desirable. Most important, it makes you feel that you have choices about how to be fulfilled and happy.

Having the right kind of vibe is the key to finding the right man and inspiring his love and devotion. And, when you do have that relationship you’ve always wanted, continue to date yourself in order to keep the focus on what truly matters and inspire your man to appreciate you forever.

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