Are you the kind of woman a great guy is attracted to and wants to have a deep, connected relationship with? Just what is it that makes a man see you as someone he sees as relationship material rather than just a casual fling?
To share a few tips on how attraction works with men, let me tell you about the “cool girl.”
But first, let me take a minute to say, if you’re thinking this is ridiculously outdated or even offensive, hear me out. I got into the business of helping women find lasting love because I was tired of seeing my female friends pick the wrong guys over and over again — and get unnecessarily hurt in the process.
I know what guys think — whether they’re just looking for a good time, or they want a rock-solid relationship with an equal. And while these tips are written for heterosexual women, they apply to anyone who wants to create an extraordinary relationship.
“Cool girl” is guy-speak for the kind of woman who is attractive to men in a way that even they don’t usually understand and can’t even begin to explain. But I will.
You see, “cool girl” is code for a woman who embodies certain qualities that, together, trigger attraction in an emotionally mature man at a deep level. Let me explain a bit more about what I mean and what he’s thinking.
So, back to the topic at hand…
If you’ve ever heard a guy talk about a woman being a “cool girl,” he was probably smiling at the time.
A “cool girl” has a certain positive emotional energy that men can relate to. She might not be the most objectively physically attractive woman in the room, but there’s just something about her that men find irresistible.
What is that thing? Well, it’s actually a few things:
1. Cool girls bring funny, positive thoughts and feelings to situations to create an experience that people want to have again and again.
This kind of woman understands that creating a foundation of positive experiences builds a connection that makes people want more of her in their lives.
2. Cool girls are willing to go with the flow when it comes to social things, but confidently assert their opinions when it’s necessary.
Men, especially those with high-powered, stressful careers, want to be with women who are able to be flexible about plans and capable of being spontaneous. However, they also respect a woman who has boundaries and says clearly and in plain language what is not okay with her.
3. Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them satisfied so they don’t feel like they’re left out if they’re not invited to something.
And even if they are left out, they don’t complain about it, or necessarily even mention it — they find something to do that makes them happy. If you make a man your whole world, he starts to see you as another responsibility rather than as a partner. Take responsibility for your own happiness, and you’ll be that much more attractive. And you’ll also be much more satisfied with your relationship, and your life, in the long run.
4. Cool girls know that the right man will want to do what they want him to do. With that in mind, they don’t waste time trying to convince men to do anything they don’t want to do.
Whenever you try to convince someone to do something, the other person will naturally resist you. And when you try to do this with a guy, something else happens — he starts to feel less attracted to you. Show him that you respect his ideas and appreciate him by giving him the chance to be himself.
5. Cool girls know that the way they feel and talk about themselves is how men will feel about them.
If you have a tendency to talk negatively about yourself — your weight, your intelligence, or your life — don’t be surprised if a man starts to see you in that context. Do yourself a favor by always talking kindly about yourself so that a man sees you and talks about you in the same way.
6. And the number one “something” every cool girl has that attracts a man? A life apart from him.
Be that girl with the life he wants to be part of, every day. The best time to start doing this is when you’re still single — use this time to really explore your interests, nurture your friendships, and enjoy the choices that being on your own gives you. Practicing these small shifts instantly amplifies the cool girl attributes in you and makes you the kind of girl he wants to see again and again. Cool?
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