Remember: Setting down boundaries gently in no way undermines their strength. There must be limits to our availability and generosity. It’s never okay for others to break their word, be inconsiderate, or repeatedly ignore our needs. If things are so hard that any caring gesture feels impossible, you should recruit someone — a therapist, a friend or a loved one — to help you talk about whats going on and look for resolution together.
How 11,000 lattes have helped keep my marriage together
Here's a fun example of unwavering relationship kindness: Every morning for 30 years, my husband has brought me a latte. Some mornings, he hands me the steaming mug with a smile and a kiss. Other mornings he’s in a hurry, so he simply sets the latte down on my bedside table.
Then there are the mornings when he’s not happy with me, and he puts the mug down on his bedside table, so I have to lean over to reach it. Still, whether our feelings are running hot or cold, that latte is there for me every morning. Over time, those cups have added up. He and I have banked on them, as well as on many other sweet nothings, to carry us through hard times.
The greater our deposits of kind actions and generosity, the more our relationship can remain resilient and sustain the normal wear and tear of life.