Mother Nature has been most generous in bestowing females with the clitoris. Penises, of course, provide a lot of pleasure for men, but they are multipurpose — for urinating and ejaculating sperm. The clitoris is the only organ of the body created exclusively for pleasure!
Often, heterosexual sex involves vaginal penetration until the man has an orgasm. According to research, however, only 20% of women climax from penetrative intercourse; this leaves 80% of women to figure out how to get stimulated during sex in order to get satisfied.
In this article, I will be focusing on heterosexual women (and heterosexual sex), as I've found in my research and reading that this is where most women struggle with sexual dissatisfaction. By no means am I trying to discount other sexualities and ways of identifying.
Getting to know your clitoris and its power is a great place to start. Here's how to meet and greet your clit and share your "findings" with your partner:
1. Begin by getting curious and exploring your clit. (And stop faking orgasms!)
Karen wasn't really sure where her clitoris was and never had an orgasm during sex with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend consistently complained she was taking too long to come, so Karen frequently wound up faking her climaxes as a result. Karen was really in a bind, as she wasn't fulfilled sexually but was also not feeling supported in her relationship.
So what did Karen do? First, she broke up with her boyfriend. Then, she began a practice of trying to become more aware of what pleased her sexually. She wouldn't just masturbate passively, but she actively explored what aroused her when she stimulated herself. This exploration opened the way for a more satisfying relationship in the future where she finally found true gratification.
2. Know that you deserve to come, and that there's no "right answer."
For years and years, women have been sold the notion by pop culture that "real women" achieve orgasms exclusively through intercourse. Movies, TV shows and porn films will show a woman writhing in an explosive orgasm after a few mere thrusts from a man.
Although some women can learn to come through intercourse (more later), any manner or method that provides arousal is valid and wonderful. For many women, the clitoris is their go-to spot for pleasure. Realizing and accepting that Mother Nature provided you with a clitoris for your enjoyment will hopefully help you accept the gift of gratification without shame.
3. Communicate what your needs and desires are.
Straight women often refer to a given man as a "bad lover," when they usually mean to communicate "he never heard of a clitoris and certainly didn't pay any attention to mine."
Straight men, in fact, usually fall into two categories: (1) those who don't care about your needs and (2) those who simply don't know how women work. Get rid of man #1 if he is only selfishly interested in his own satisfaction. But it's up to you to communicate to man #2 what you like and where/how you like it.
Yes, it can be awkward to be honest about your sexual preferences. But work it out! You deserve the satisfaction.
4. Own that your needs and desires may change, and be open to the process.
Learning what your needs and desires are is the key to everything, but even more so when it comes to the body and especially sex. We all have a right to become happier and more at home in our bodies and more expressive about our needs ... in all areas of life.
Every woman's quest for sexual satisfaction in particular is unique as a fingerprint.
Women generally like to engage their clitoris by either lying on their back or on their stomach. Some like both. Some may have their own method of achieving an orgasm. But in my research, here are the positions that seem to guarantee maximum clitoral stimulation while with your partner:
- On your back, your partner can stimulate your clitoris with his hand, mouth, or a vibrator and make you come before intercourse. Or, during intercourse, you can stimulate yourself with your hand or a vibrator. Many women find touching the clitoris directly is too sensitive and like it better when they stimulate the clitoris higher up on the shaft.
- Or on your stomach, you can rock your clitoris against your partner's body until you come. Laura, one creative young woman, found that she liked to rub against her boyfriend's knee until she orgasmed while giving him oral sex at the same time. A win/win proposition!
You can also explore your G-spot, sometimes called the "internal clitoris" and try to engage that spot during intercourse or with your partner's fingers. To discover your G-spot, sit on the toilet and insert your middle finger with the pad of your finger facing toward the front. Press your finger forward, massage the area, tap it, rub your finger up and down and see where you receive the best stimulation.
So many ways to come! So little time! Let's get going!
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