People desire feeling connected. It’s one of the most innate aspects of our being.
And yet, even in this time of global connection, so many people still feel isolated and alone. There’s a deep craving to be a part of community and to find your “tribe.”
I have craved that as well, in my own life, and this past year, I made a breakthrough in finding a community. I finally discovered what was getting in the way of creating a tribe, and I did the internal work to manifest deep friendships I had been longing for.
In this article, I’d like to share my process with you — what limiting beliefs I had to let go of and the mindset I had to build in order to attract the the type of friendships my heart has been wanting for a very long time.
I hope that by sharing my path with you, you’ll be also be able to manifest a community of people that feel like “home.”
Step 1: Examine what’s blocking you from finding your community.
The first step to creating a new reality in your life is to uncover what’s blocking that reality from you. In other words, get curious about what beliefs or experiences you might have right now that are standing in the way of the new reality you want to create. Ask questions. Dig deep.
For me, this was a very vulnerable task, which is why I avoided it for so many years. It meant I had to come face to face with the loneliness I had felt throughout my life. And that wasn’t all.
On top of the loneliness itself, I felt a ton of shame — shame that maybe loneliness meant something was wrong with me. I was scared to acknowledge my loneliness because I really didn’t want it to be true.
Yet this is a classic case of how we get stuck in realities that don’t work for us. Any feeling we refuse to feel (in my case, loneliness), gets “stuck” in our psyches, and continues to sink it, creating more of the same. In order to change, you have to actually look at and feel the uncomfortable feeling, and most people aren’t willing to do so.
So how did I do it?
With a lot of gentleness and ease. I can remember sitting my apartment, the loneliness bubbling to the surface, and instead of pushing it down or trying to distract myself, I simply felt it. For the first time.
Ironically, by acknowledging that I felt lonely, the feeling loosened its grip. I could see that it was just a feeling, and that by simply feeling it, I could let it go.
Step 2: Ask yourself, “What do I want?” (And be specific!)
After I acknowledged feeling lonely, the next step was to explore what I wanted to create as far as friendships. So I continued asking myself questions: What type of friendships feel good to me? What would it feel like to have a “tribe”?
As I explored these questions, here’s what I came up with: