A 3-Step Plan To Find Your Tribe

Marriage and Family Therapist By Shelly Bullard, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves.

People desire feeling connected. It’s one of the most innate aspects of our being.

And yet, even in this time of global connection, so many people still feel isolated and alone. There’s a deep craving to be a part of community and to find your “tribe.”

I have craved that as well, in my own life, and this past year, I made a breakthrough in finding a community. I finally discovered what was getting in the way of creating a tribe, and I did the internal work to manifest deep friendships I had been longing for.

In this article, I’d like to share my process with you — what limiting beliefs I had to let go of and the mindset I had to build in order to attract the the type of friendships my heart has been wanting for a very long time.

I hope that by sharing my path with you, you’ll be also be able to manifest a community of people that feel like “home.”

Step 1: Examine what’s blocking you from finding your community.

The first step to creating a new reality in your life is to uncover what’s blocking that reality from you. In other words, get curious about what beliefs or experiences you might have right now that are standing in the way of the new reality you want to create. Ask questions. Dig deep.

For me, this was a very vulnerable task, which is why I avoided it for so many years. It meant I had to come face to face with the loneliness I had felt throughout my life. And that wasn’t all.

On top of the loneliness itself, I felt a ton of shame — shame that maybe loneliness meant something was wrong with me. I was scared to acknowledge my loneliness because I really didn’t want it to be true.

Yet this is a classic case of how we get stuck in realities that don’t work for us. Any feeling we refuse to feel (in my case, loneliness), gets “stuck” in our psyches, and continues to sink it, creating more of the same. In order to change, you have to actually look at and feel the uncomfortable feeling, and most people aren’t willing to do so.

So how did I do it?

With a lot of gentleness and ease. I can remember sitting my apartment, the loneliness bubbling to the surface, and instead of pushing it down or trying to distract myself, I simply felt it. For the first time.

Ironically, by acknowledging that I felt lonely, the feeling loosened its grip. I could see that it was just a feeling, and that by simply feeling it, I could let it go.

Step 2: Ask yourself, “What do I want?” (And be specific!)

After I acknowledged feeling lonely, the next step was to explore what I wanted to create as far as friendships. So I continued asking myself questions: What type of friendships feel good to me? What would it feel like to have a “tribe”?

As I explored these questions, here’s what I came up with:

  • Spirituality is at the center of my friendships, because it’s the center of my own life.
  • I want to feel known, seen, heard and understood on a really deep level.
  • I want to feel supported and cared for, and to give that back to my friends.
  • I want to be friends with people who are deeply committed to their personal evolution.

As I described what I wanted in friendships, the essence of these relationships started to emerge for me energetically. I could literally feel “who” was in my tribe before it came into existence.

This is one of the cornerstones of manifesting: getting clear on what you want activates a new vibration with you. That new vibration is what calls in new experience to you.

Step 3: Surrender

The final step, which is surrender, is either the easiest or hardest, depending on who you are.

Surrender is like saying, “OK, I've done the inner work … now I'm going let go and see what happens.” If you have faith that this is how the Universe works, then surrender is easy. All you have to do is let go.

But if you don’t have faith (which is totally fine if you don’t), then surrender will be hard. Without faith, we think that we have to force new experiences into existence. Little do we know that this “force” creates tension or resistance in our vibrations, which then, keeps what we desire from us.

I’ve manifested quite a few significant things in my life, and it works the exact same way every time: I acknowledge the block (e.g. loneliness), I create a new vibration (what I want), and then literally forget about the whole thing and continue living my life. Manifesting my tribe happened the exact same way.

Soon after I did the inner work, I randomly felt a strong call to go on a retreat, and there I met the first member of my new tribe. We both felt like we had known each other for a long time. She embodied what I had been seeking in my friendships, and I had no doubt that she appeared because of the internal work I had done.

I told her a few months after we met her that I think I manifested her, and she cracked a big smile and said, “I think I manifested you!” Turns out, she also had been asking for a friendship like the one we were in the process of creating.

Whether you're seeking partnership, abundance, a tribe or love … know that it is all available waiting for you. You can create the life you desire. Just know that it's going to happen from the inside-out.

Please leave a comment below listing the qualities of the tribe you want to manifest. We look forward to hearing from you!

If you want to know more about how I can help you create your ideal life from the inside-out, sign up here.

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to...
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
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