A couple years ago, I wrote a post here where I said I was successful, and I didn't mean that in any monetary way, or status kind of way. I meant that I could lay my head down at the end of the night and say "I told the truth today."
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about this idea of success. I am in the middle of a cleanse that my sister's leading — no coffee, sugar or wine, which are three of the things I typically enjoy every day. It's actually giving me a lot of clarity. I will go back to coffee once this is over, but I don't need to be drinking seven cups a day. So, here I am, thinking about the idea of success.
What is success?
To me it's telling the truth, about who we are. You can call that living with integrity, too. For years I was waitressing and miserable and filled with self-loathing and NOT creating or writing or dreaming even. For all those years that I was not doing anything except hating myself, I was not telling the truth about who I was.
Nowadays, I meet people every day. I lead workshops around the world (I practically live on an airplane) and I engage on social media a helluva lot. I meet a lot of people. Truly, I am an unbelievably lucky duck to get to encounter so many beautiful humans. And many of them say, Jen you are a rock star. Jen, you are so successful. Or something like that.
Let me tell you: Quite often I do not feel like a success.
Quite often I feel like I am not doing enough, that I "should" be further ahead, I work so hard and why am I still spinning my own wheels, Why do I get in my own way, Why haven't I published my book yet, Why don't I have a million Instagram followers? yadda yadda yadda. I start comparing myself. I go down the rabbit hole of I-Am-Not-Successful.
I will go back to what I said a couple years ago: At the end of the day, I can put my head down and say "I told the truth today."
So why do I not feel successful some days? Because some days, frankly, I am not telling the truth. I am not writing, I am not making art, I am not connecting, I am wasting time, I am sleeping all day instead of dealing with whatever is going on, I am looking on Facebook instead of working on my book. You get it. I am not telling the truth about who I am.
Look, do I want a house? Yea. Do I want more money? Sure.
But that's not success. That may feel like the "idea" of success. Do I think money doesn't sometimes make life easier? Sure does. (Sometimes*.)
So here are some reminders for you in case you are also questioning what it means to be successful: