Creating an amazing love life doesn't begin the moment you and your soul mate lay eyes on each other. It starts way before that. Unless you're ready to give and receive the kind of love that will actually feel fulfilling to you, the best man or woman could cross your path, but won't actually stick around.
Here are five steps that will prepare you for real love:
1. Engage in playful activities that you actually enjoy.
When you're in a state of pleasure, your energy opens up because you're not concerned about what others think of you. So instead of forcing yourself to do certain activities half-heartedly because you think you might meet someone, start doing things that align with your nature and your joy valve. Your confidence and joy will be highly attractive.
2. Release your judgement and jealousy of others.
If you find yourself judging others or feeling jealous of someone else, remind yourself that the only person absorbing that negative energy is you. Judgement and jealousy have never led to anything great for anyone. Instead, see if you can reframe your feelings into motivation to make the changes you'd like in your own life.
Practice speaking and thinking highly of others and you'll begin to attract that same energy into your life. As long as your focus remains on what you don't have, you will invite more lack and negativity into your life — including the absence of a rich relationship.
3. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself.
Are you putting yourself down? Shaming yourself or your body? Hiding your truth out of fear of rejection? The way you speak to yourself sends out a vibrational energy that lets other people know how to treat you.
If you want to be spoken to and treated like a love-worthy, admirable, passionate, sexy, funny woman, start speaking to yourself in these positive ways, too. You set the stage. (Yes, you are that powerful!)
4. Hang out with people who help you feel great.
As a coach for women, I've come across many clients who often find themselves in environments or social networks that are very constricting. Who to date, what to wear, and how to spend your weekends is often silently defined within very narrow limits. In essence, there is only one way to do things right and a million ways to mis-step and do things "wrong." Yikes.
This kind of environment fosters the opposite of freedom, individuality, and uniqueness, which is what will make attract the kind of love that's actually fulfilling to you. Make sure your environment is one that encourages individual freedom and creative expression of who you are.
5. Release your attachment to how you think your future partner has to be, look, and act.
Love doesn't flourish on a checklist from your brain. Love nestles in your body, your heart, your intuition, and your gut. Allow yourself to visualize how you'd like to feel when you make Sunday breakfast with your soul mate, instead of focusing on what your friends and family will say about him or her. I'm not saying family isn't important, but your feelings need to come first.
Active imagination creates a clear picture for how you want to feel, and opens your energy. It sets you on an intuitive exploratory journey rather than a judgement, brain-directed journey.
In the comments below, I'd love to hear from you: which one of these is your growing edge? Which one do you want to focus on? Start with one thing at a time.