Ever find yourself repeatedly having the same argument with your spouse/partner/boss/child/friend? Well, unfortunately, it means you're stuck.
Let me repeat: You are stuck. (Not the other person.) You haven't learned what it is you want to know, embraced what it is you want to embrace or changed what it is you want to change about yourself.
People will continue to press every button, until:
- We learn what it is we want to know about ourselves.
- We embrace what we want to embrace about ourselves.
- We change what we want to change about ourselves.
This is good news! Placing blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless. But placing blame on yourself also takes away your power. So let's forget about blame.
The healthiest course of action is to take personal responsibility, which gives you the ability to transform your experience in a positive direction.
You can take personal responsibility by asking yourself these four questions:
- What do I want the other person to do?
- How do I want the other person to act?
- What do I want the other person to know about himself?
- What do I want the other person to know about me?
Then, take your own advice. Next time you find yourself about to have the same old fight, do these things instead:
- Do what you want them to do.
- Act how you want them to act.
- Acknowledge the qualities in you that you see in them.
- Acknowledge the qualities in them that you want them to see in you.
When you look closely, you'll discover what you want to know about yourself — you'll find what's really been driving you crazy! When you stop blaming other people and instead take personal responsibility, you're free to love the people in your life as they are. Which frees you to accept in them (and yourself) what you want to accept.
This is how you stop the same-old-argument-cycle once and for all.
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