Are you feeling pressure to spice up your sex life but aren't sure how to go about it?
Or maybe you're feeling pressure to have kids? If so, is your desire to get pregnant turning sex into a chore?
Well, regardless of your circumstances, sex with your partner can often become routine (and stressful as a result). This happens especially when trying to get the timing "right" becomes an issue.
Well, here are some tools using the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) Five Element system to create more passion and intimacy in your relationship by aligning your body and mind with the different energies ("elements") of nature. Many of these tips are said to boost fertility, though they are applicable to everyone interested in revving up the passion in their love lives ...
1. Let the heat build.
In Chinese Medicine, the fire element is about heart energy and love at its highest potential. The heart is said to open to the tongue — so don't forget long, passionate kisses. Foreplay that starts in the morning with possible cute texts can help set the mood for opening up and feeling connected to your partner verbally and physically. If you feel like simply talking with and kissing your partner enhances the passion, then things are working!
The color of the fire element is red. According to Feng Shui, a great way to stimulate passion is to make love occasionally on red sheets. Create the mood and ambience (signifying a shift from work mode to love mode) by lighting candles, displaying fresh flowers (red and pink for the fire energy) and wearing soft fabrics.
2. Ground yourselves.
The earth energies are about digestion and grounding; they manifest in our muscles. Try partaking in dark chocolate infused with the Peruvian root Maca known for its aphrodisiac properties.Sensual experiences like eating chocolate can help ground us in our physical bodies.
Another way to do this is to bring massage into the bedroom, helping you get in touch with your body from head to toe. You don't have to be a professional to caress your beloved with passion and attentiveness. Start with your partner face down; you may want to use some coconut oil or other massage oil and rub your hands along your partner's low back all the way up toward your partner's neck. Try massaging your partner's buttocks and around the sacrum (the triangular bone below the low back). Let your hands find their own rhythm on your partner as your intuition guides you.
When the earth energies are out of balance in the body, it can manifest as anxiety. The antidote to this imbalance is to be present in the moment. Enjoy your time being physically present with your partner, instead of wondering compulsively if you are touching your partner "correctly," or if your timing is right for conception.
3. Drop your armor.
The metal element is associated with the lungs. As a way of connecting with your partner, try doing this breathing exercise: Sit facing your partner and as your partner exhales you begin to inhale. Act as if you are drinking in your partner's breath. Then when you exhale your partner drinks in your breath with the inhale. You can make this exercise last at least 10-15 minutes. Although it may seem silly, taking the time to set up a connection creates the channels for lovemaking and intimacy.
Another way to awaken the senses and heighten your passion together is by using aromatherapy oils like rose, ylang ylang, and jasmine diffused in the bedroom. In addition, you can wear them on your body.
As with any relationship, it is important to hold space and let down our defense mechanisms, our "metal armoring," so we can be authentic with our partner. One of the emotions associated with the metal element is grief. As such, the antidote is learning to let go of your defense mechanisms. If you are struggling with fertility, it's an important, first step to honor your emotions and become more open with your beloved.
4. Go with the flow.
According to Chinese Medicine, the water element is associated with fertility. In honor of the water element, try taking a bath or shower together. Create the mood with candles or dim lighting. When was the last time you massaged wonderful smelling soaps all over each other's bodies?
The water element is also the deepest aspect of our being and helps us connect to our innate desire to bring forth life into the world (which is undoubtedly related to fertility). When our water element is out of balance, fear can arise. Acknowledging all feelings and being able to express them to our beloved creates safety, beauty and true intimacy.
5. Gaze into each other's eyes.
When the wood energy is blocked often we can experience frustration, anger and it can manifest in frequent sighing. A wonderful way to move this stagnated energy is through lovemaking with your partner.
So how do you get in the mood? According to TCM, a person's soul is said to shine through the eyes, and just by making eye-contact, we can connect non-verbally, yet still with great intensity. Since the liver energy in Chinese Medicine is said to open to the eyes, making sure to look at your partner tenderly is essential for keeping positive energy and a sense of connection abundant in your relationship.
To explore this, try this eye-gazing exercise with your beloved: Sit directly across from your partner. Lovingly gaze at each other for at least four minutes. We are so busy in our lives that we often don't take the time to see our partner. In Chinese Medicine, we look into the eyes to explore the vitality a given person has, which we call Shen.
Try out some of these techniques for deep pleasure and healing alike. They can help reawaken your inner lover to inspire the greatest act of connection and creation.