We used to think the most important way to measure food was by its caloric content, but today we know that not all calories are created equal and the quality of food matters, which is why a green juice is always a better choice than a diet soda. Our culture is focused on a calorie-counting equivalent when it comes to sex as well: there's a focus on how long you spend having sex and on how many and what types of orgasms you have.
The longing for food and sex are two primal hungers, and the relationship between the two is undeniable: both are forces beyond our conscious control that demand our appreciation and understanding. Your body (what I refer to as your "animal") already knows it's natural to have an appetite, be it for food or sex or anything. Yet women are often scared of their hunger.
The truth is, we're born with hunger and desire so it's important to make peace with this so we can release any shame and guilt we may feel about our them.
"Sexual anorexia" often goes hand in hand with emotional overeating, which compensates for the missed pleasure. Even if you pamper and pleasure yourself with clothes, massages, vacations and fine dining, you won't feel fully satisfied if your sexual hunger is not met. And your brain can easily confuse this message with the need to eat. The more sexually satisfied you are, the less vulnerable you are to using food, alcohol, shopping, etc., to satisfy your need.
If you're bringing your guilt or shame into the bedroom, thinking, "I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough, I'm too fat," you're not going to have the fulfilling experience that will allow sex to feed your soul at the deepest levels. However, if you can let go of the shame and guilt, fully enjoying you're your body the way it was meant to be enjoyed, your orgasmic energy can literally and metaphorically feed you. It may help end compulsive eating and your struggle with weight, for after truly nourishing sex, it feels like all is right in the world.
Once you are free of the shame, you can take your sexual nourishment to the next level.
Your sexual energy can also be healing in your efforts to expand your pleasure threshold and experience of relaxation. As you explore your own edges, you can increase your sensations for pleasure beyond your wildest imagination. As an added bonus, you heighten your calorie-burning efficiency and find nourishment other than food.
Because sexual nourishment is a secret to pleasurable weight loss, I want you to feel empowered to access this source of pleasure by yourself. Self-pleasuring is so taboo in our society, especially for women, that we often feel our sexual gratification depends on someone else doing it for us, but this doesn't have to be the case. Whatever the circumstances, once you learn how, you can deeply pleasure and satisfy yourself.
Although our culture leads us to believe that self-pleasuring is a dirty habit and certainly a poor substitute for "the real thing," sex educator Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One, thinks of self-pleasuring as "solo-sex" and a genuine form of sex unto itself. Feeling confident that you can be the source of your own erotic pleasure will boost your self-esteem, and giving that pleasure to yourself counteracts the weight-gaining effects of stress in your world.
A woman who embraces her desires is irresistible and attractive. Answer the call of your sexual appetite as you are right now, and seek out and receive the juicy, delicious ravishing your female animal naturally craves.
Adapted from Pleasurable Weight Loss: The Secrets to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Loving Your Life Today by Jena la Flamme. Copyright © 2015 by Jena la Flamme. Published by Sounds True.