3 Steps To Rewire Self-Sabotaging Thoughts For Good
What's one thought you have frequently that fuels procrastination, self-sabotage and fear-based decisions?
I'm not good enough.
Let's face it: we all have a part of ourselves that believes that we aren't good enough.
This is the part of you that causes you to procrastinate on important work, even when you know it will make you feel guilty. This is the part of you that causes you to quit a project before it even takes off.
To this part of you, success is dangerous. Why? If you get too close to success, the chances of someone discovering that you're not good enough increase, right? Wrong. But I'll get to that ...
So, to protect yourself from the pain of having someone reject, judge or criticize you, this part of you keeps you "safe" by sabotaging your intentions through procrastination and fear-based decisions and behaviors.
Well, if you're ready to fulfill your purpose consciously and with the power of intention, here are three steps to rewire that pesky I'm not good enough thought pattern:
1. Find the part of you that learned she wasn't good enough.
There are moments in your past during which you experienced something that helped you create the I'm not good enough thought pattern.
The first step in interrupting this thought pattern is identifying the parts of you that learned the belief, I don't have what it takes (or something like it). These parts of you were created because you interpreted particular situations as evidence that you weren't good enough: perhaps you weren't chosen for a team or you answered a question incorrectly in class and you interpreted the circumstances as a measure of your inherent worth.
Regardless of the particular situation(s) belying your negative thought pattern, your feelings of inadequacy are a sign that you need to look inward, as hard as it may sound, to find out why might be struggling with your sense of self-worth.
To find the parts of you that are struggling in this way, ask the following questions:
- When was the first time I experienced feelings of not being good enough?
- What did someone say to make me feel not good enough? What wasn't said?
- How did I feel when I was made to feel not good enough?
2. Allow that part of you to have his emotions.
There's a big possibility that in the moment you learned you weren't good enough, it didn't feel safe to express all of the hurt and pain you experienced as a result of the situation.
Maybe you didn't want to seem weak, you didn't want your parents to see your emotions, or you were afraid that you would be taken advantage of if you displayed vulnerable emotions. Therefore, you bottled up your emotions and hoped they would go away.
Those feelings of pain, anger and sadness don't disappear. The energy of your emotions stays with you until you release it.
And if you don't release this intense, potentially toxic energy, it can actually become the fuel that maintains your sabotaging behaviors, decisions and thoughts.
To release this energy, it's important to see the parts of you that want to blame others for their sadness and anger. Support these parts of you just like you would support a child who wants to engage out of anger and ask yourself, What do I need to feel safe and be able to allow my emotions to run their natural course?
3. Teach the part of yourself that believes you aren't worthy a new, different truth.
After you allow your emotions to run their natural course, no matter how ugly or negative you think they are, it's important to teach the part of you that learned you weren't good enough something different.
How? You may be inclined to use affirmations like, I'm good enough. I'm worthy.
However, it's not always that easy to convince yourself using just words. This is particularly true in the case of unraveling thought patterns that are deeply ingrained in us. It takes consistent support to heal parts of you and rewire your thought patterns.
To teach yourself a new truth about your self-worth, be very vigilant of the moments when you feel unworthy. In those moments, begin to try asking yourself these questions:
- Why do I feel not good enough?
- Where and why did these thoughts (that I'm not good enough) originate?
- What does the part of me that believes I'm not good enough need from me in this moment?
By sitting down with yourself in those moments of self-doubt, you teach yourself a new truth with actions instead of words. You teach yourself that you're worthy of the time, love and compassion that you offer yourself in that moment.
If your upbringing was anything like mine, this is very different from the way you were taught to handle emotions. You were most likely taught to pretend like everything is OK, judge your emotions as being silly and move past them.
So try something new. Try nurturing the parts of you that are scared just like you would nurture a little child who thought he wasn't good enough. Would you ignore him or tell him his emotions are stupid? If not, why continue doing that to yourself?
Rewiring your I'm not good enough thought pattern isn't about telling yourself affirmations; it's about consistently meeting yourself with love and compassion in the moments of darkness.
If you want to release your fear-based thought patterns so that they don't continue to manifest struggle and lack, check out this free training on Abundance and Manifestation for Entrepreneurs.