The Key To Lasting Happiness In Relationships

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Offering yourself love and acceptance, unconditionally, is the baseline for your own happiness and health — and for joyful relationships with others. It's a journey to get there, so on the way we are met with all the ways in which we have been blocking our own love within.

In relationships, the spiritual ego (which is synonymous with fear) tends to block love, and our access to our inner truth. As a result, we fall out of touch with what it feels like to have personal freedom. The ego's habit is to blame outside circumstances and other people for how we feel; the ego convinces us that others are guilty or to blame, and that others (or outside circumstances) must change in order for us to find happiness.

When I lived in my ego, I felt hurt all the time. Ironically, no one was actually doing anything to me. My ego would make me the victim of whatever someone was withholding from me or not doing what I wanted them to do; my ego took everything personally and it made me feel powerless to change things.

But we all need to remember that the universe meets us on the level we're at with ourselves. When my ego was ruling my life, I was living in fear and a sense of lack, looking for my relationships to fill me up. Because I was not in a space of self-love, I lined up with people who were emotionally unavailable.

In other words, if we have unhealed wounds and fears, we will align with the perfect person that triggers them so that we may heal them, if we choose to. But ultimately, it's not about the other person, it's about us and learning to change our world from the inside out, rather than seeking control, or being complacent in our current situations.


Everything changes when we begin to take personal responsibility for our lives. Taking personal responsibility for yourself and your actions is, perhaps surprisingly, the key to happy relationships. When we own our feelings we now have the ability to look within and do something about it rather than looking to the other person to all that we need, or trying to change them, creating codependency.

Relationships are mirrors. They reflect back to us the relationship we have with ourselves and our own understanding of self-worth. When we begin to honor and value ourselves, and listen to our intuition rather than the fear-based ego that is always chattering in our minds, we begin to grow exponentially and our relationships will reflect that inner growth.

We don't choose our lessons; we choose how we will show up for our lessons. When we begin to show up with love rather than fear, we begin to dismantle painful patterns, clear old emotions, and make courageous choices on behalf of our happiness. Fear is an old operating system based on past experiences that are left unhealed, holding us back in our present lives, and projecting the same experience we don't want into our future.

A relationship built on love rather than fear will feel deeply nourishing and supportive, joyful and expansive. We are not responsible for each others' happiness; we are a complement to each other's happiness. This relationship is based on growth, rather than fixing things — a partnership that goes out into the world and serves on a higher level together, bringing more love into the world simply by its presence, and even through the work we do in the world either together or in our own individual life purposes.

Meditation is the gateway and catalyst for higher levels of awareness, connection to our inner power, and ultimately to self-love. Let go of everything you know about meditation so that it can be exactly what it needs to be for you. Maybe it's a space in which you release your feelings and emotions, and sometimes you feel your inner peace and happiness; other times it will be an experience of profound insights and inspiration so you can keep a journal by your side to write down messages from spirit that come in. Meditation is a powerful navigational tool so that we can move forward in our lives in the highest way.

Begin with a short five minute meditation either guided, in silence, or while listening to music, finding what works for you and letting it evolve over time, maybe sitting longer each week.

Begin each meditation with spiritual prayer. Prayer is not asking for things; it's activating a connection with your higher self and your light source. Prayer surrenders all situations allowing the highest good for all concerned to unfold.

You can use the prayers below:

  • May my wounds be a gateway to deeper self-love. I release my fears, my pain, and all feelings of being a victim now.
  • May I see the truth of innocence in myself and others so that I may heal my current relationships, lovingly release relationships that are no longer serving me, and bring in new fulfilling relationships.
  • May I always remember to look within for all that I need so that my inner connection to my true source of love overflows into a deeper connection in my relationships.
  • I forgive and release myself for allowing and accepting a lack of personal power.
  • I forgive and release myself for allowing and accepting doubt and worry.

As we begin to cultivate our relationship with ourselves and our own source of love within through some kind of daily practice, we can then take that out into our daily lives. As a result, we become a more compassionate witness to our thoughts, intentions and actions. We can realign all of these thoughts, intentions and actions with love when the ego has steered us into fear. This becomes a living meditation in which we begin to take our power back and let love run the show rather than fear.

To learn more about how to deepen your self-love and create relationships you love from the inside out, download your free copy of The Happiness Blueprint.

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