Why Making Yourself Vulnerable Protects You In Relationships
So, you may have been wondering what happened to me since I declared I would begin "dating spiritually." Well, I began a new practice of openly declaring what I want to prospective partners. It goes a little something like this:
Men in my life who kept coming around in tri-monthly cycles (you know, those people you text you every few months just to say, "Hey." "what's up?" "Are you in town?" "Want to restart our casual thing?") came up as they do. And then I responded with something like the following text: "Hey so great to hear from you. I want to tell you that although I've enjoyed our time together, I'm now only sleeping with people when I feel really connected to them. I've been doing a lot of healing work in the last few months and I'm looking to bring love and romance into my life in a big way."
Now this tactic, although it may seem scary, has proven completely liberating for me. Some people might call it a given that you should announce what you're looking for to a prospective bed or life partner. But this has always been something I wanted to keep hidden. If I played the game of "I'm too cool to be moved," "Oh this is all so casual, I don't care whether this works or not" then I wasn't making myself vulnerable and I couldn't be hurt. But once we make ourselves vulnerable, we become invulnerable. Tweet that!
All of the "suitors" I contacted in this way were completely supportive of my new choice, and one of them even took me off guard, enthusiastically responding to this mindset of mine, and wanting to see me again to explore this proposal further. Everyone wished me well. It's an amazing thing when you throw the light of honesty over the dating situation.
For me, it was an extremely empowering step. Saying what we want out loud (for I moved passed the texting and even uttered my desires for a partner to a prospective partner, oh gosh) is such an incredible practice. Once I announced something that I had been desiring in secret, telling my friends about but none of my purported lovers, I claimed my desire. I owned it, and I released the urgency of hiding my inner light/life.
The throat chakra is extremely sensitive. Many of us carry our tension in our necks — the place where the head meets the body, the place where we take in vital materials from the outside world (oxygen, food). The place from which we voice our feelings and desires. This learning goes beyond dating spiritually and into the realm of living fully (which perhaps are really the same thing). Think about how many times a day you've squelched some words that wanted to come pouring out, for fear of judgment, because you were told to keep quiet, because you were afraid of the repercussions.
I dare you to speak your truth in a way that scares you today. Maybe even every day. Take one risk (please don't go so far as to risk being fired or physically harmed).
Though I've gotten bumped around in the dating pool in the last few months, I keep connecting to a piece of wisdom on twin flames that a dear, dear friend shared with me: when you are love, and you desire a partner, you cannot help but bring that partner in. Lisa Levine, my reiki teacher, taught me something really valuable one day: "love is really what heals." And at the end of the day, that's all we need, right?
So the lesson, as before, is the same. It is just love and love and love, oh yeah and then love some more. Ask your friends for hugs and physical contact. Get a massage, get a book on tantra. Get yourself a crystal. Anoint your body with oils. Love up your body. Love up love itself. I love you. That's all for now.