Up until a few months ago, if any older man had come up to me and hit on me, I would have instantly walked away. I wouldn't have given him the time of day, or night for that matter. I always thought that women who dated older men had to have "daddy issues."
Not necessarily. At least I do not have those kind of daddy issues. This is the first time in my life that I have ever dated anyone considerably older than me. 16 years! In fact, for a long time when I began dating my partner, I kept asking myself what I was doing with a man so much older than I am. Why am I even considering going to dinner with an old guy? What is this? Am I going crazy? Am I turning into one of "those" girls? Do I really have daddy issues I was unaware about?
No, no, and no. In actuality, this man is spiritually light-years ahead of most of the men (and probably women, too) that I've met before. He has lots of dating (and other) experience. He is a good communicator. He He's not going to run at the first chance he gets. But allow me to elaborate...
1. If I want to or have to have a "talk" with my partner, he doesn't dodge or flinch at the prospect of a serious conversation. Instead, he sits right down and talks it through with me.
2. He supports me wherever I am in my life, and talks me through whatever challenge I am enduring, making sure I have what I need. This is often because he's been there, or somewhere similar, himself; he knows what he needed or would have needed at that time in his life.
3. He has worked through (or at least has tried working through) most of his issues. He's not jealous or controlling. For instance, he's not worried when I talk to another guy, nor does he care how many pairs of shoes I have.
4. He loves me for just the way I am. If I fart, it's OK. If I need time to myself, he doesn't have a panic attack or yell at me for not spending all of my time with him.
5. He's responsible, emotionally and practically.
6. He is OK with saying "No."
7. He helps out around the house -- whether or not I ask him to! He does it without expectations, complains or a desire for validation. Instead, he helps from a desire simply to be attentive and kind.
8. He is wise. This, again, is likely because he has been living longer, has had more experiences and has learned from them. But wisdom is wisdom.
9. He takes care of me, while allowing me to take care of myself. This one is a biggie! I need my independence completely, yet he is there for me when I ask for help. No questions, no pushing, no complaining. We support each other, but allow one another to just be.
10. He is stable. He has learned by now how to keep a job, or run a company. This marks another one off the checklist (if there was one).
11. I can grow in ways I never imagined before. This is because every time I get upset or throw a tantrum, he doesn't scold me or dump me for it. He doesn't yell at me for it or tell me how childish I am. This allows me to take the time to grow on my own.
12. He's "been around the block" a couple of times. In other words, he is more experienced in bed than other men I've been with, and has extra special ways to please me.
13. He's tender -- physically affectionate and a great listener.
14. He's not afraid of being goofy and sweet, which includes wearing pink, or donning a funny hat.
15. He is a rock. He is self-assured and secure. And a man who is comfortable in his own skin is oh-so-sexy.
So see, ladies and gents? Sometimes it's better to go older, even if you have preconceived ideas ideas of what it might "mean," or what it might say about you to date someone older. Sometimes you just have to challenge these kinds of assumptions.
No, maturity and all of the other qualities I highlight are not necessarily tethered to age. But experience is experience. Be open to it. I was, and it's been more than worth it.
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