The secret to feeling unlimited happiness in your relationship is learning this simple yet radical practice:
Let go of the idea that it's your partner's job to "give" you anything. In fact, when you let go of trying to "get" from him or her, you will not only feel happier in your relationship, but your partner will feel more inspired to give to you naturally.
Why is this true? Well, trying to "get" anything from another person is just bad news. Let's start with talking about why that is...
Always expecting another person to "give" you something (especially a feeling-state) leads to dependency in relationships. When you feel like its another person's job to fill you up, it means you're not filling-up enough on your own. While it's convenient to project our needs onto other people and expect them to fulfill them, this isn't what relationships are for! If you feel insecure, find what you can do to "give" to yourself, to connect to a sense of security from within. Doing so will allow you to loosen the grip of trying to "get" from someone else.
Second, it's a futile experience. Again, no one can give you a feeling or state of being that you don't feel capable of accessing on your own. You'll feel disappointed again and again if you're trying to use another person to fill up your cup.
Finally, trying to "get" from people pushes them away. Perhaps you know the feeling of someone nagging at you for something? And you sense there's a bottomless pit behind their nagging? This doesn't create the space for intimacy to flourish on its own. It automatically puts strain on relationships and pushes people away.
So if you're familiar with this pattern of trying to "get," how do you change it?
You can create a spiritual practice that connects you to a sense of fullness from within.
Spiritually speaking, we are all whole. However, most of us don't relate to ourselves this way. We think we're incomplete, which causes the need to "get" from others. We make the mistake of assuming our relationships will complete us. This mindset is called your ego.
Creating a spiritual practice drops you below your ego into a different place, one in which you no longer need to "get." It's a place of stillness, silence, and here and now. It this internal space, you fill yourself up. When you practice this consistently, your partner and everyone else will likely start to feel inspired to give to you on their own.
Spiritual practices like meditation, yoga, or a simple, daily internal reflection can jumpstart the process of changing how you relate to other people. How? By first changing the way you relate to yourself. Cultivating a spiritual practice teaches you that, despite what your ego tells you, you don't have to "get" anything from anyone. Everything you truly need is found within (radical, I know, but true). As you practice more and more, you'll automatically bring this wholeness into other areas of your life.
And here's what will happen in your relationships as a result:
You'll feel independent. Not in a dysfunctional way that pushes people away, but in a way that you stop grasping at others. This produces an ultimate sense of freedom in relationships; it's the experience of acceptance and non-attachment.
You'll realize that happiness is truly infinite, because it starts within you. No more waiting on other people to feel good; you rely on yourself to connect in. Love, happiness, and wholeness are inside of you, and you get to experience them as much as you want.
And finally, people will be drawn to you.
When you're connected from the inside-out, you beam. You have a graceful confidence that's impossible to miss. Suddenly everyone wants to be near you. You actually start effortlessly "getting" from others in ways that you always wanted, because you stopped trying so hard to make it happen with force.
Practice finding happiness and connection within yourself first and your relationships will transform into the best you've ever experienced. You'll let go of the clinging and grasping that accompanies being dependent on something outside of yourself; you'll let your partner be who he or she is, and you can be you, too. This is what it can look like to experience true bliss in love.
Please leave a comment below sharing how you're going to practice connecting to the fullness within yourself, so you can create the relationship you've always wanted.
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