As a sex coach and a mom to a toddler, I know from experience it can be tricky to have a vibrant sex life when you have a baby. All too often, giving everything you've got to nurture your child leads to sleepless nights, not having time for yourself, and struggling to stay connected emotionally and physically to your partner.
Sex can easily become one more "to do," and it's often the first thing to get pushed to the bottom of the list. The pleasure, fun and sexiness of sex becomes a distant memory. And if we can find the time and desire, we're left wondering how something that can feel so good winds up making us drained and disinterested.
As children grow up, a new set of circumstances can make having sex challenging — worrying that you may get walked in on, wondering if you're going to be heard — although it's a bit easier to set boundaries and adjust as necessary to have quality couple time.
Here are five ways to make sex hot whether you're getting back in the swing of things or having sex regularly:
1. Remember, foreplay can happen way before you get naked.
Every day, make the time to kiss (when you wake up, go to sleep and as much as possible in between). Send each other loving texts or emails, and call when you’re apart to say I love you. When you’re home together, ask how your partner’s day is going and give each other time to decompress, rather than immediately blurting out something that needs to get done. Look into each other’s eyes to feel the connection you have together.
2. Get out of your head.
Our brains like to be in control. Even when we may desire closeness — whether it's just cuddling or getting into some complex carnal configuration to maximize pleasure — our minds can easily shut down the possibility in a split second. Instead, focus on how it will feel knowing that once you start you'll get in the mood. Then, start to touch your partner or reciprocate their initiation.
3. Hire a baby sitter (to get the kids out of the house).
This isn't about having someone come over so you can leave. It's to get the kids out of the house. Whether it's for an hour or an afternoon, it'll surely feel great to spend time together as you unwind, have a sexy romp and relax.
4. Have a stash of quiet pleasure props.
There are plenty of adventurous things that won't be audible to the kids if you keep your moaning to a whispery tone. When buying a vibrator keep in mind the softer the material, the quieter the sound. Other fun props to keep handy are a blindfold, feather tickler, and soy massage candle, (remember, oil isn’t compatible with latex contraception, so don’t use the oil on body parts that will come in contact with the condom).
5. Don't be afraid to go solo.
Having and using the lock on your bedroom door isn't to keep the kids out. It's to give you peace of mind that you have some privacy without worrying that you'll be walked in on. And to buy you time if there is a knock and something is needed.
If your sack session does get interrupted, say, "I'll be right there," grab a robe or put some clothes on and see what they need. If it's not a quick fix, it can temporarily stall your satisfaction. However, if you and your partner take turns tending to the kids, you can each have a solo sex session and fantasize about the hottest sex you ever had.