The Simple Change That Saved My Marriage
The house is a mess and the kids are delirious from hunger. I’m standing in my work clothes making rotis and I turn to my spouse and think, Why are you just standing there, eating grapes? Why aren’t you making this better?!
And then those thoughts start to spiral into Do you even know who I am? Is this marriage a mistake?
Thankfully, somewhere deep inside this mental chatter is a small, almost inaudible voice that says, Just breathe and surrender.
Up until recently I didn’t understand how I could — as my yoga teacher often encourages — take my tree pose off the mat. But I have started to understand.
It's that feeling of peace and surrender, the breath that allows you to be in this moment. That's what I try to take with me. When I am stressed at home, I take a deep inhale and release with an “Ahhhhhhh.” (Admittedly, it sounds like the mating call of a wild animal, but it centers me, it brings me back into this moment and it allows me to just be here.)
In that exhale, I surrender to the clutter and dirt, to the unplanned chaos. It reminds me that I choose to be here, that I love being here. I surrender to this man that I love. I surrender to the fact that he does know me, but it is my responsibility to tell him what I need, moment to moment.
This one simple breath saves my marriage in those other moments when I’m letting my ego guide my journey. When my communication is non-existent and my head seems like it will explode.
Before I knew anything about the ego, or mental chatter, I had constant thoughts like His socks are on the floor again, should we even be married? Or He has an opinion that’s different from mine, should we even be married?
My gosh, when I think about it, that poor schmuck never stood a chance if it was up to me and my mental chatter! But thankfully since then, I have learned to take a breath! Not just any breath, the Surrender Breath. And so has my husband.
This one beautiful, cleansing, releasing breath has now become a necessary staple in our lives. When either of us sees that face on the other person, the face that says “It's you or me.” That face that looks like war is about to begin.
In these moments, we look at each other and one of us will say, “Surrender with me.” It’s the one thing that saves my crazy mind from doing something I don’t want all, like ending my marriage.
Who knew a simple breath could remind you that you are human, that you cannot control everything or anything, that you surrender to this beautifully chosen life! Surrender with me and find your love in this moment.
How To Use The Surrender Breath
Take a deep inhale through your nose, filling your belly, lungs, and chest.Your belly comes down and out, your ribs expand and your chest elevates, opening your heart.
Now exhale through your mouth as you let out a sigh sounding like, “Ahhhhhhh."
Some times, you may need two or three breaths in a row before you come back to this moment … help yourself.
We can’t surrender enough.