The first time I saw my wife, I was head over heels in love. I was seventeen years old and thought she walked on water. We formed a friendship that turned into a relationship. We were married the day after I turned eighteen, six months after we met.
As young newlyweds, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and our sex life was magical. As we became “adults,” we got saddled with the responsibilities of life.
We had children and I had a string of miserable jobs. Between stress, and the odd hours at my job, I quickly gained weight. At my heaviest, I was 370 pounds. I have shared this weight loss journey here on MindBodyGreen.
My increased weight affected a lot of areas of life, but it especially affected our sex life. That passion we used to share faded as my weight increased. My wife noticed, but didn’t know how to help me. If you're struggling with weight issues, you’re struggling with the same problems.
Time is the only thing we’ll never get back. That time that you have with your special someone should be spent making magic, not fighting.
Here are three ways my weight affected our sex life (and three things you're likely experiencing if you're also struggling with your weight):
1. I didn’t feel sexy.
Every time I would look at my naked body, I would get depressed and angry. The extra skin and big belly made it hard to feel desirable. More than that, I would look at myself and wonder if my wife still found me sexy.
A negative self-imagine affects you in a lot of ways. You don’t feel sexy, you’re not confident, you feel insecure about yourself and your relationship. You wonder if your partner will start to be attracted to someone skinnier.
When you don’t feel sexy, and start to turn down sex as a result, neither partner feels sexy or motivated for more sex. The distance between you two will increase, leading to a whole set of new problems. Sex is an important part of every relationship.
For the guys reading this, I know what you're thinking: I'd never turn down sex.
That might be something you'd say out loud, but if we were going to get really honest with each other, we both know that's not true.
2. I couldn’t give into the experience.
Having incredible sex means completely giving into those animal urges you have for that person you love. When you have a negative self-image, you can’t fully embrace the experience.
Your mind isn’t clear because you have all those negative thoughts swirling around in your head. Good sex is just as much about what's going on mentally, as what's going on physically.
When you’re busy feeling self-conscious about your weight, instead of thinking about the other person, the quality of that sexual experience is diminished. To have great sex, your mind and body have to be in harmony.
3. It hurt my sex drive.
Having the extra weight took away my energy. After a hard day’s work, the stresses of work, and the craziness of life, the last little bit of energy I had was gone when it was time to make love.
I wasn’t in the mood as much as I use to be. This lead to many heated discussions with my wife.
I didn’t want this to be the end of my story, so I went on a journey to live a healthy lifestyle. I lost 170 pounds and our sex life is better than ever. We’re back to that place where we have that nervous excitement for each other.